No disrespect to esteemed boy band of the early aughts, 2gether, but I respectfully disagree with their argument that the hardest part of breaking up [1] is getting back your stuff. No, the hardest part, in my experience, is getting rid of their scent [2].
In the month or so after my relationship ended, I tried every conventional approach to "getting over" my ex: the sage-burning [3], the ridding of pictures, the crying my eyes out over a plate of three-cheese enchiladas while my friends patiently listened to theories of what could have been — none of it worked. I was still hung up.
Then, after two weeks, I was finally ready to address the olfactory part of the experience: her scent. Dr. Belisa Vranich, psychologist and author of The Breathing Class [4], once told POPSUGAR that your partner's scent has a huge impact on your feelings. "[How you] smell consciously — or unconsciously — dictates how you feel about a partner . . . because the part of your brain that senses smell is located near your memory," she said.
While there was no singular fragrance she wore all the time [5], per se, she did have an affinity for essential oils and a particular black tube of natural deodorant. That earthy, herb-like aroma was all over my pillows, on her clothes I borrowed, on my clothes she borrowed. So I did what any relatively sane person would do. . .
I did a deep clean. Here's what worked for me — and it happens to smell a lot like freedom.
Step 1: Wash Everything
The most crucial of steps is this first one, and that is to get rid of all traces of your ex's scent — and that includes whatever is lingering on clothes, bedsheets (if they ever — gasp — slept over), and pillowcases. For the latter, I used the all-new Slip Gentle Silk Wash [6] ($25) to keep my silk fabrics from breaking down, too.
Step 2: Burn Baby, Burn
Maybe you use candles to set the mood. In this case, I used it to reset the mood, and whipped out the fanciest one I own. I had been saving the Lafco 'Chamomile Lavender Candle [7]($65) for ~special occasions~ because it's so delicious. . . but if saving your sanity from a pity party doesn't qualify as an occasion, I don't know what does.
Step 3: Mind the Main Areas
Here's a step of the break-up process your roommates will undoubtedly appreciate: you've gotta spruce up the common areas, too. To counter the woodsier musk scents my ex liked, I sprayed my couch in the living room with the most floral mist I could find, the Caldrea Lavender Cedar Leaf Linen and Room Spray [8] ($14).
Step 4: Get in Line
Then, there was getting the scent off her "drawer" — a 3 ft x 3 ft space in the dresser at my place she used to cram her every tee, sweater, and pair of socks. (I used Diptyque's now-sold out Rose Delight drawer liners to freshen it up, but the brand's Scented Drawer Liners 34 boulevard Saint Germain [9], $65, will do the trick just as well.)
Step 5: Clear the Air
While there is no scientific evidence that a citrusy blend of essential oils has the healing powers to cure heartbreak and help "cleanse the air," spraying a few pumps of Sunday Forever's Air Detox Mist [10] ($24) in every room certainly won't hurt — you know, just in case.