Body Acne Personal Essay
After a Decade of Agonizing Over My Bacne, I'm Finally Learning to Accept the Skin I'm In
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The thought of wearing a tank top isn't something that should cause anyone anxiety, but for me, it does. I've always had acne, but thankfully, I figured out a routine on how combat my face breakouts over the years. When it comes to my body acne however, I've experienced a lot of up and downs; it has caused me stress and insecurity.
I often have to remind myself that Instagram beauty isn't always reality.
Sometimes I scroll through my Instagram feed of girls in beautiful backless dresses or tops and I think to myself, I wish I could wear that. Or the even more angry thought pops into my head like, Why do these girls have incredibly spotless backs?! Even at the age of 29, I often have to remind myself that Instagram beauty isn't always reality. I also get these feelings when I'm shopping. I find myself looking for racerback tank tops instead of spaghetti straps, because I think, "Oh, those will cover all my pimples and scars." The constant worry of people noticing my "bacne" is always on my mind.
My body acne first starting appearing when I was a teenager and has been recurring throughout the years. I remember really struggling with it in my early 20s, then it vanished for a few years, but now it's back and more prominent than ever. I come up with constant theories in my mind for why it's reappearing . . . is it because I'm turning 30? Maybe it's because I'm sleeping on back? Perhaps it's because I work out and sweat so much? The truth is, I should just stop stressing about it, but the constant pressures of having to appear perfect at every angle makes that hard.
I've tried a slew of body washes and soaps to help combat these often painful breakouts and nothing has made it 100-percent disappear. I did eventually find the Mario Badescu A.H.A Botanical Body Soap ($8) that has really calmed my skin down. It doesn't erase everything, but I'm thankful to have finally found a product my skin responds to.
It took me a long time to realise the real issue wasn't finding the right product, it was accepting that breakouts happen and everyone deals with skin problems. I'm pretty sure no one is scoping out my back the way I think they are, and that's something I have to keep reminding myself. I found that the more I opened up about it to friends and coworkers, the more I understand that so many other people struggle with the same issue makes me feel less insecure. Even my boyfriend deals with bacne sometimes. The more I learned that it isn't just me, the easier it is to accept it and stop singling myself out to feel bad.
If this is something that's been on your mind too, you can know that you're not alone. I'm thankful I've created a routine that works for my face, and a product that helps my back breakouts. It's not entirely better, but that's OK. There's no point in worrying about being "perfect," because that doesn't exist. I even just bought myself a new "normal" tank top that I can wear this summer, putting my back on full display.
