Everyone has a list of scary movies [1] from their childhood that really did some damage. Maybe your parents let you watch Halloween [2] before you were ready, and you had nightmares for weeks and ran away from everyone named Michael. Maybe you caught a few glimpses of The Shining and hotels (and mazes) have never been the same. For me, it was Clue. Yep, the 1985 movie based on the board game of the same name.
Now, I know what you might be thinking if you've never seen the movie: "Seriously, Clue?!" But if you have seen the movie, especially if you watched it for the first time when you were a kid, I hope to God you're nodding your head in agreement so fast it's in danger of falling off. Because, my friends, Clue is one of the scariest f*cking movies ever made [3].
In line with the whole notion of "the call is coming from inside the house!," Clue centres around the story of six strangers — Colonel Mustard, Mrs. White, Mrs. Peacock, Mr. Green, Professor Plum, and Miss Scarlet — who were all invited to a dinner party at a remote and creepy mansion. But after people start mysteriously being murdered, they blame each other in a terrifying guessing game that takes so many twists and turns, you're practically dizzy by the end. And just like the game, you're left trying to figure out who did it and with what weapon.
The movie's main character, a butler named Wadsworth (played by Tim Curry), is so unnerving, and you never know if you can trust him. And the dark corners of the mansion, creepy guests that ring the doorbell (there's a random telegram girl and a police officer who are both murdered), and intense and stressful music were enough to scare the sh*t out of my 8-year-old self [5]. I didn't want to be home alone for months after I watched it, I hid the board game as far back in my closet as possible, and I couldn't — and still can't — believe it's rated PG.
Even now, watching it when I'm home alone is a risk. Will I check every corner and closet before I feel even remotely OK about getting into bed? Yep. Will I sleep? Probably not. Will I watch the movie again because, despite how scary it is, it's still so, so good? Always.
First of All, a Group of Strangers Are Invited to a Creepy House For a Dinner Party
The mansion is huge, dark, and scary. And of course, it's pouring rain outside. Of course. These people also don't know each other, and they all received a mysterious invitation to come to this house for dinner. So, naturally, they showed up.
Once Inside, Butler Wadsworth Gives Them All Pseudonyms So Nobody Knows Each Other's Real Name
RED FLAG, people.
While He Pretends to Be Innocent, His Sinister Smile Tells a Different Story
He's just so . . . creepy.
During Dinner, Wadsworth Fills Them in on Why They're All Really There
Wadsworth tells the guests that they were all invited to the mansion because they're being blackmailed by a man named Mr. Boddy. Wadsworth is also being blackmailed, and he brought them all together so they could confront Mr. Boddy and turn him into police.
You're Immediately Suspicious of Mrs. White, Who Is Clearly Up to Something
This b*tch.
But Then You Also Sort of Relate to Her?
Maybe she's just an independent and badass woman?
But Then You Realise That, Nope, She's Crazy
Is she the killer?!
People Start Dying . . . Immediately
Bodies are everywhere. Rating this PG is totally fine. You're fine. This is fine.
The Guests All Start Blaming Each Other
The murders tend to happen in the dark, either when someone has turned the lights off or when they're alone in the house somewhere. Chills.
Just . . . More Bodies
The murders are all pretty gruesome, with the weapons including a knife, rope, lead pipe, and revolver.
Everyone Is Trying to Keep Their Own Secrets Safe
You realise that everyone was invited to this dinner party for a very specific reason: they all have something to hide. So, instead of turning Mr. Boddy into police, they're all trying to ensure their dark secrets never leave the walls of the house.
The Guests Start to Lose It
People slapping each other to get it together becomes somewhat of a theme throughout the movie. The dark humour makes you kinda giggle, but also kinda hide under your blanket.
You Start to Lose Track of Who You Think Did It
Murders happen when they're all in the same room together . . . or are they? Secret passages throughout the house quickly crumble your theories of whodunit, and at any given point, the killer could be any one of them.
This Cheery Telegram Lady Is Brutally Shot and Killed
She rings the doorbell at a particularly tense time. The door opens and she sings a very cheery song while the inside of the house is silent. And then? Bang.
There Are Makeout Sessions With DEAD BODIES
While this is just a tactic to deter a visiting police officer from figuring out what's really happening inside the house (again, they don't want their secrets exposed), this is so twisted on so many levels. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope.
Wadsworth's Intense Theories Send Chills Up Your Spine
He comes up with every possible scenario as to who the killer is, and he tells them with such conviction.
But Then You Start Thinking . . . Is It Actually Him?
He knows too much.
Then Things Take an INSANE Turn When Multiple Endings Are Revealed
What the actual hell?!
And Now You're Tired, Scared, and Vulnerable
Someone is definitely in your house with a lead pipe just waiting to pounce, right? And there's no way you'll be going into the basement to turn off the lights before bed. Those can stay on.
In Conclusion, This Movie Is Terrifying
Stress.