After an unorthodox season of The Bachelor [1], Hannah Brown was named the next Bachelorette [2]. The 24-year-old former Miss Alabama [3] even met a few suitors [4] immediately after the news was announced at Colton Underwood's "After the Final Rose" special. Talk about baptism by fire, right?
Now, ABC has begun teasing the forthcoming season by releasing photos of all 33 suitors [5]. Although we have no information about these suitors apart from their names, ages, and hometowns, we've decided to rank them, and — because we're not entirely shallow — we've based it on body language alone. Our major takeaway is that these men really love to jam their hands into their pockets as soon as they come face to face with a camera. They do it in such creative ways, too! See our not-so-definitive ranking ahead.
Dustin K.
Oh, hold on, sorry — Dustin isn't actually competing on this season of The Bachelorette [7], he just got lost on the way to his Sears catalogue shoot.
Joe R.
It's hard to focus on anything else after realising that Joe's left hand is doing its own thing, playing a game of imaginary pool.
Mike J.
Mike's hands look like they just got back from their job in one of those claw toy machines. Hey, at least Hannah gets a stuffed Minion out of it!
Devin H.
Is Devin trying to draw attention to a particular area with those hands? (Yes, yes Devin is.)
Matteo V.
The whole thumbs-peeking-out pose is a trend you'll see repeated many, many times with these suitors. It's best Matteo breaks it to you first.
Grant E.
Aw, sweet Grant. Loosen up that right hand a little, Grant!
John Paul J.
The fact that he looks exactly like Taylor Swift [8]'s boyfriend Joe Alwyn won't distract me from the fact that John is going to have a serious wrinkle issue if he keeps bunching his shirt up like that.
Chasen C.
I can't see Chasen's hands at all, and I don't trust it.
Peter W.
Listen Peter, I know it's more comfortable to plop your hands into your pockets like that, but the thumbs peeking out are simply too distracting!
Ben G.
I appreciate the excitement, but coming from someone who watched all 24 seasons of America's Next Top Model, it could serve Ben G. to tone down the intensity in the eyes a little.
Scott A.
Between his halfhearted smile and the thumb-tuck, Scott on the other hand could have brought a little more energy to his shoot.
Joe B.
I can tell Joe's hands don't quite comfortably fit into those pockets, and I want to tell him it's okay to let them be free.
Tyler G.
Tyler wasn't sure if he was supposed to smile or smoulder, so he just kind of did . . . neither?
Cameron A.
Again with the thumbs! The bottom of Cameron's shirt is gasping for air.
Dylan B.
Dylan looked like he stumbled upon the photo shoot after trying to find the CW's casting room. I'm not mad at it, I just don't know if The Bachelorette [9] is the right fit. (Also, hi, thumbs.)
Luke S.
Some people might think his zip-up blazer — with buttons as an option, by the way — has too much going, but Luke thought to himself, "Not enough. Boom! Pocket square."
Connor S.
I can't see what's going on with Connor's hands, but I can already assume that I wouldn't like it.
Brian B.
Brian looks perfectly fine, although everything is just a little too tense. Stare at that meticulously placed left arm long enough and you'll get where I'm coming from.
Jed W.
As I'm sure you can already anticipate, the thumbs thing is yet again distracting for me, but Jed's got a welcoming smile, so I'll let it slide.
Jonathan S.
Well, look at that! At least Jonathan has one arm comfortably hanging by his side. We're getting better. (I do, however, think he's slightly trying to flex with that right arm.)
Matt D.
I don't necessarily see Hannah falling madly in love with Matt, but I can see her getting a trustworthy real estate agent out of the whole thing.
Matt D.
Matt looks pretty comfortable, and I'm glad he could wear his nicest v-neck for the occasion.
Daron B.
Even though Daron had to tuck one hand into his pocket, at least he's got the proper pants on for that, as opposed to some rigid skinny jeans. Hey, I don't make the rules! (Just kidding, I totally am as I'm going along.)
Luke P.
Luke looks like he's ready to connect and really talk about his journey. Hey, lighten up, Luke!
Garrett P.
Garret's got a nice smile that at least distracts me from his awkwardly hovering left arm. (He definitely bought tickets to Fyre Festival though.)
Thomas S.
Thomas comes off like he has a quiet confidence, and I appreciate that. I do need him to stop trying to make his hands disappear into his pants.
Ryan S.
Ryan looks like his "buddies" submitted his application on a whim and he's just here for a "good time" and a "unique experience." Other than that, he seems pretty chill.
Connor J.
Connor struck a pretty relaxed pose and I like that he's working his angles, even if the camera flash left the building during the shot.
Matt S.
The only thing brighter than Matt's smile is his near-blinding button-up. He's either going to get really far in the competition, or get into a physical fight on the first night. (Probably the former . . . I think?)
Kevin F.
I don't really have much to say about Kevin's pose of choice, but he just seems like a nice guy, like someone who'd help your parents fix their roof.
Tyler C.
It's something that can't be explained, but Tyler definitely has that front-runner energy.
Hunter J.
While his hands are indeed tucked away, Hunter looks relaxed and this is the first time I've thought, "Yes, this is how an actual human being normally stands."
Joey J.
We have our winner folks! Joey is the only suitor to not do a single thing with his hands. Now I'm off to file a motion to ban pockets from the 2020 Bachelorette suitor photo shoot.