The world has ended on American Horror Story [1], and now we're just on a wild ride filled with witches, warlocks, and the big, bad Antichrist [2] (aka Michael Langdon). And listen, I know Michael is technically very young [3] — for the record, actor Cody Fern is about 30, so it's not as creepy as it seems — and literally the son of Satan [4], but I can't help but lust after him. Yes, I know, that's technically one of the seven deadly sins, but I guess it would make sense more me to be this sinful at the sight of such a tempting, handsome devil.
I'd always heard Satan would be attractive, but this is a whole 'nother level. There's something about the subtle red eye makeup, those delicious capes, the luscious locks of hair, and the evil gleam in his eye that really has me under his spell. Luckily, it seems I'm not alone; thanks to the power of the internet, I've seen all kinds of AHS Antichrist thirst out there. So I'm ready to air out my obsession and articulate my feelings about Michael. Let's bask in his glory together.
When He Gives That Smirk Like He's Going to Murder You Later . . . and You Kind of Want Him to Murder You Later?
When He Gives Devastating Side-Eye, and You'd Give Anything to Be His Side Piece
When He's Dressed Like a Pilgrim and You Wish He'd Colonize You
When He's Covering Himself in Blood, but, Like, You Kind of Want to Help Him Lather Up a Little Bit?
Ah yes, here's the blood bucket. Time for a nice shoulder massage.
When He Snaps Someone's Neck and You're Lowkey Like, "OMG, Jealous"
When He Smiles Every Once in a While, and It Lights Up the Room
And, you know, the Antichrist hangs out in some pretty dark rooms.
That LAUGH
It's like you're on a first date and you said something really funny.
When He . . . Just . . . Like . . . Just Look at Him
When He's Just Sashaying Around in a Glorious Cape
Even if he only stepped on my face and kept walking, cape flowing behind him effortlessly, it would be worth it.
When He Murders Someone in Cold Blood
But you're like, wow, what a dashing prince. Rescuing that damsel in distress? Hero!
When He's Clearly Livid, but You're Clearly Living For It
THIS LOOK, THOUGH
AND THIS ONE
When He Cocks His Head Ever So Slightly to the Side, and You're Ever So Slightly Aroused
When He's Got a Mop Top on His Head and You Are Just Desperate to Run Your Fingers Through It
When He's Somehow Sexy Just While Listening to Other People
Yeah. But when will he listen to me?!
When He Performs the Seven Wonders, but You're Just Wondering How to Get His Attention
That Time He Sticks Up For His Mom
OMG, he's a mama's boy! So what if she worships Satan, you know?!
That Time He Was Sulking in the Balcony and You Wanted to Go All Romeo and Juliet on Him
In Conclusion . . .
(Note: I do not actually love or worship Satan. Just in case it's unclear.)