Warning: pretty significant (albeit light-hearted) spoilers for A Quiet Place lie below!

Let me make one thing clear: I really liked A Quiet Place [1]. It's a smart and original horror film [2] that's jam-packed with terrifying moments [3]. Unsurprisingly, John Krasinski [4] and Emily Blunt [5]'s real-life relationship translates to an undeniable chemistry [6] and sweetness that threads through the entire film. I mean, sh*t, there's even room for a sequel [7], and I'd be totally down, because the film left me wanting more.

All things considered, there is one aspect of the film that ends up working against the final project. As a presumably creative decision, much of the background to this story is not explored. We don't know how these alien monster things got on the planet. We don't know how many there are. We don't know much at all. Even more interestingly, there's a lot of context missing in the present-day narrative to the story. We don't know much about the survivors in the immediate area, or why this family is in this particular spot. We don't know where they came from and where they'll go.

Related:

Emily Blunt and John Krasinski's Daughter Makes a Tiny Cameo in A Quiet Place [8]

The whole decision to leave things vague and murky is fine. After seeing the film, though, more than a few stray questions began to pop up in my mind. I mean, there are a lot of logistical issues when it comes to existing in complete silence. Namely, loud farts and sneezes. Join me on a journey of scepticism as I playfully pick apart as many tiny plot details as I can think of.

1. So, like, where did these things even come from?
2. Do they ever starve to death or what?
3. So the government never killed a single one?
4. They never did any kinds of tests?
5. Why is Dad spending so much time rejiggering hearing aids?
6. Like, if there are working batteries in town, is there not a RadioShack or a Best Buy to pop into?
7. On that note, there must be better ways to soundproof, right?
8. Can't they soundproof their rooms with, like, 100 layers of foam and blankets?
9. Speaking of which, how did Dad even build that underground nursery place?
10. You can't just, like, quietly hammer a nail or quietly dig a hole, right?
11. So, they found an oxygen tank for their loud-ass baby but not more soundproof materials?
12. Oh, yeah. The baby. How were they going to do that one?!
13. You think you can tell a 1-, 2-, 3-, 4-, or 5-year-old not to make noise? Oh, honey.
14. And how did they manage to keep it from crying for, like, half the movie?
15. Also, I know Mom has had three other babies, but didn't that whole birth thing happen pretty fast?!

16. OK, then there's this: WHERE did all that sand come from?!
17. They literally made sand paths all over the property, across the bridge, and into town? Guys.
18. What was the deal with those fires?
19. How come we never see anyone besides that old man and his disemboweled wife, especially if survivors are (supposedly) close by?
20. How has anyone else survived without knowing fluent American Sign Language?
21. And what about the whole barefoot thing?
22. Don't their feet ever get cold?!
23. What do they do in the rain or snow?!
24. How do they manage the whole sand situation with all the weather?!
25. How many of these aliens are out there, total?
26. And how far can they even hear?
27. I mean, if there are only three in the area, can they really hear everything?!
28. Aren't they ever, like, out of earshot?
29. Can they hear my loud sighs all the way in this movie theatre in LA?
30. What if you snore? Are you just f*cked?
31. What about sneezing? What do they do about sneezing?!

32. Do they not flush their toilet ever?
33. Do they even use toilets?
34. Can you fart without them hearing?
35. What if you think it's going to be a quiet fart, but then it's not?
36. Ha. A Quiet Fart. Get it?
37. When you run, do you have to go at A Quiet Pace? OK, I'm done. Sorry.
38. Do they ever shower or bathe? Is it just sponge bath city?
39. You're telling me nobody tripped at any point in the 400-something days of this story?
40. You're telling me nobody accidentally dropped a single thing, either?
41. I mean, are all the animals dead?
42. But then, how did those raccoons last 400-something days?
43. What happens if someone remembers a hilarious joke they heard that one time?
44. Does anyone ever barf? (It's hard not to make noises when you barf, just saying.)

45. Can't the family, like, go farther away?
46. Can the creatures swim far distances? Is moving to Hawaii out of the question?
47. Why is this family living in a creaky, rickety farm house instead of, say, a metal bunker or something?
48. Speaking of metal, those creatures can apparently rip through the side of a grain tower but not the roof of a truck?
49. And also, a house and a barn? Is that necessary?
50. Like, literally, just go live in a bank, you know? What are you even doing?
51. So, no scientists made a correlation between the huge-ass ears and the whole static sound thing?
52. No other person on Earth made that connection?
53. And you're telling me no other weapons worked against these things?
54. No grenades?
55. What about missiles?
56. Did they try nukes? I mean, not the best, but, you know. Desperate times.

OK, I think I got it all out of my system. For the most part. Anyway, go see A Quiet Place. I swear I liked it.