Content warning: This article contains descriptions of binge-eating disorders and discusses weight issues.
"You look amazing!" was a phrase I got very used to hearing after years of yo-yo dieting, obsessive exercising, and disordered eating. But it wasn't all these unhealthy practices (that I worked hard to ditch) which led me to my apparently socially acceptable body weight that drew all this praise — it was needing to get my gallbladder removed and subsequently having to cut out a range of foods, which saw me shed 60 lbs. in under a year.
Every time I posted a picture on Instagram, or saw friends and colleagues in person, I was inundated with compliments. But these unsolicited comments that were intended to make me feel good, left me anxiety ridden and chipped away at my self-esteem. I became so fearful that I would gain weight and then go back to what clearly people thought was not an "amazing" or "beautiful" body that I started to equate my self-worth to the number staring back at me on the scale.
And after four years that's exactly what happened. I developed an autoimmune disease (Hashimoto's [1] Thyroiditis), endemetriosis [2], and a hormonal imbalance (high testosterone and low thyroid function) creating the perfect storm of symptoms – weight gain, hair loss, facial hair, depression, chronic fatigue, facial rashes, puffiness, and more.
As I gained back every pound, and another 15 on top, the rise of Ozempic [3] — a diabetes drug turned weight loss aid — seemingly reignited society's obsession with thinness. We're seeing celebrities looking thinner than ever — and everyone's weighing in on their transformations. Looking around it can seem as though all the hard work done by the body positivity movement has been all but erased. So much so that the starlets whose weight has gone in the opposite direction like mine, are now being put under the spotlight once again.
Amy Schumer [4] is one such celebrity. She recently resorted to posting a statement on Instagram about her change in appearance, hitting out at critics who have been relentlessly speculating about her weight and specificaly the puffiness of her face. Like me, Schumer has endometriosis and a hormonal imbalance, and shared that yes, her face, "is puffier than normal right now" due to her medical conditions.
View this post on Instagram[5]
She went into further detail about her hormonal imbalance over the weekend, sharing that she was recently diagnosed with Cushing Syndrome. In an interview featured in Jessica Yellin's "News Not Noise" newsletter [7] she revealed: "While I was doing press on camera for my Hulu show, I was also in MRI machines four hours at a time, having my veins shut down from the amount of blood drawn and thinking I may not be around to see my son grow up. So finding out I have the kind of Cushing that will just work itself out and I'm healthy was the greatest news imaginable. It has been a crazy couple weeks for me and my family.
"I also had to be on camera having the internet chime in. But thank god for that," she continued. "Because that's how I realized something was wrong."
Despite all the chatter about Schumer's appearance leading to her getting the medical help she didn't know she needed, she also stated on her Instagram that women don't need any excuse for their appearance or owe an explanation to anyone.
She also advocated for "self-love and acceptance of the skin you're in", but I personally have found the change in how I look a hard pill to swallow.
How Viral "Hot Girl" Rhetoric Harms Women Dealing With Real Illnesses [8]