There's a lot of pressure to feel joy at every turn during the holidays. From October to January, social media is full of images of happy people carving pumpkins, hosting Friendsgivings, gathering around a tree or menorah with their families, and ringing in the new year in sequinned outfits surrounded by friends. For someone like me, who struggles with anxiety and depression, the holidays can feel overwhelming, and even isolating at times. The extra social obligations can make it hard to keep up the daily habits that help me feel good, while the travel and changes to my schedule can mean I'm unable to see my therapist, all of which makes manageing my mental health during the holidays even more challenging. Thankfully, after years of practice and effort, I've found ways to cope.
Here are a few strategies I've picked up along the way that you may find helpful, too.
1I Make a Plan and Set a Budget
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Before the season gets underway, I like to take some time to figure out what I really want to do during the holidays. I assess things like my finances to figure out if I can afford to travel. I calculate how much money I have and want to spend on gift-giving. I also determine how many holiday events I can and want to attend. After that, I make a list of traditions I want to keep that sound fun and low-pressure to me. I do my best not to feel guilty about saying no to a few things or setting limits around my budget so that I don't feel stressed about my time or money. Once I have a realistic plan and budget in place, I can make choices that feel positive for me.
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2I Carve Out Time For Self-Care
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For me, that usually means adding a few yoga and spin classes to my calendar each week, and making them non-negotiable. I try to get therapy appointments blocked out as well. I make sure that I have some time scheduled with just me and my partner, and I'm mindful of over-scheduling, because while a weekend full of parties sounds fun to me, I know that too much socialising can leave me feeling exhausted and on edge. Finally, I ensure I leave time for sleep because I know that I cannot be at my best if I'm not well-rested.
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3I Stay as Comfortable as Possible
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The darkness of Winter can be really challenging for me, so I use my "happy lamp" every morning while I sip my coffee to make sure I'm getting enough light. I also work to make my home a cosy space and embrace hygge. I hang twinkly lights on my living room wall, make sure I have tons of cosy socks, and ensure the couch is piled with warm, soft blankets and fluffy pillows. I try to treat myself with things like whipped cream for my coffee in the morning, and having easy, snacky dinners while reading or watching holiday movies. I keep a stock of bath bombs for hot, soothing baths when I need to chill out.
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4I Set Boundaries
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While my family and friends may have a lot of fun planned, I make sure I only go to things that feel good for me. I remind myself that I am in control of my calendar and activities, and that just because I'm invited, doesn't mean I have to attend. I also opt-out of parts of the holidays that don't make me happy, including things like elaborate gift-wrapping, though I have friends whose beautiful packages would in theory put my gift bags and tissue paper to shame. Alcohol is another place that I have to know my limits. While it's tempting to go all out for the holidays, I know that drinking too much takes a toll on me, physically and mentally.
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5I Ask For Help When I Need It
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When I'm struggling or feeling sad or anxious, I don't hesitate to chat with my friends, my partner, or my therapist. That includes asking my doctor for help ensuring that I have enough medication to last me through the holidays, so any unforeseen pharmacy closures or holidays don't cause me to run out of my antidepressants.
No matter how small. That means that I always make time to wander my neighbourhood with hot cocoa in hand and check out the lights. I watch Love, Actually the weekend after Thanksgiving. I go to my parents' house and help decorate the tree with my nephews and eat pizza as a family. On Christmas Eve, my partner and I exchange new PJs and a book to read, and we eat a delicious cheese plate. I go shopping with one of my best friends the first weekend in December, and order as much as I can online. None of these things are terribly exciting, but they make the holidays fun and positive for me.
I've learned over the years that there is no right or wrong way to enjoy the holidays. Before the season gets too far underway, I would encourage you to sit down and figure out what will make you feel best this season, and then do exactly that. Your mental health is far more important than any social obligation or celebration, and you have the power to make this holiday season a beautiful time where you have fun andtake care of yourself.
