Maybe you already have New Year's resolutions written in thick permanent marker, but you might want to take another look and add more if none of them revolve around self-care [1]. We'll admit that self-care may seem complicated because it looks different for everyone based on their own needs. Plus, it's fair to say that one might think tending to their own needs can get selfish [2]. But three therapists POPSUGAR spoke with agreed that self-care is an important part of mental health and, when all is said and done, it's pretty easy to understand.
"Self-care is a great way to manage stressors you may have in your life," Marline Francois-Madden [3], LCSW, a licenced clinical social worker in New Jersey, said. She continued on to explain that oftentimes people feel like self-care is a luxury, when it's actually a necessity. "Self-care isn't always going to the spa and getting your nails done. It can simply be spending the day at home relaxing with nothing on your agenda. Self-care can also be intentional about the boundaries you have set and saying no to people."
However, Alyssa Mancao, LCSW, a certified cognitive therapist [4] in California, did advise that there's such a thing as self-care without boundaries. Beyond limits, she said, it can become harmful even. "For example, if we allow ourselves to get a massage as a form of physical self-care, this is OK. But, if we ended up getting massages every day, twice a day, putting us in debt, then this becomes self-indulgence, or self-care without boundaries," she said.
When asked to define self-care, Alyssa told POPSUGAR that it's "the act of checking in with yourself [5]; asking yourself, 'What do I need in this moment?'; and taking the steps to make sure those needs are met in a healthy way." We tend to focus on getting through the day in autopilot, she said, and self-care helps us practice hitting pause and being present. If you were working overtime, for instance, your self-care might mean making sure you start utilising breaks and prioritising rest afterward. It's proactive, can help contribute to improved mood and reduced irritability, and is about "nourishing the self."
Ashley McGirt, LCSW, licenced mental health therapist [6], clarified that if you're using self-care as an excuse to put off important plans or milestones, that in itself isn't self-care. "If you find yourself spending hours meditating or going on walks, preventing you from completing the things that need to be done, it would be a good time to assess your goals, priorities, and values and determine if your self-care is harming or hindering your life in any way," she said.
It's a balancing act, but the bottom line is that self-care is all about honouring yourself. As Ashley explained, "It should involve something that brings you joy, something that nourishes your mind and soul." If you're relatively new to this concept, there are plenty of ways you can begin practicing self-care in the new year. Here's what these three therapists recommended as a good place to start.
Get Moving
We all know that exercise can help boost your mental health [8] because of endorphins. Alyssa stressed the important fact that exercise is proven to specifically reduce symptoms of anxiety and depression [9]. How you choose to move is up to you! Options include walking, hiking, strength-training, dancing, active stretching, and more. I particularly like this hip-hop Tabata workout [10] and this yoga flow for stress [11].
Start a Journal
Alyssa is a big fan of journaling because she said it allows you to reflect on and process your emotions. "You can journal about how you are feeling, how your day went, what your needs are, and you can even take an extra step and journal to your younger self!" she suggested. You can also, Ashley added, journal about things that make you happy. (Looking for some prompts? Take our 150-day journaling challenge!)
Do Things That Make You Laugh
Laughter is oftentimes the best medicine. "If you find yourself struggling to care for yourself, think about the last time you laughed," Ashley said. Then, try to re-create that. You could read a funny book, listen to a humourous podcast, or watch your favourite comedy.
Find a Hobby
Discovering that you have a passion for something productive can truly benefit your mental health and channel your energy into an outlet that you enjoy doing. This could be painting or an activity outdoors, Marline said. Here are 22 hobbies for people who prefer to spend time alone [12].
Spend Time With Loved Ones
Marline wants you to make sure that, even if you're doing activities alone, you're spending time with family and friends. This, she said, is "social self-care," and the key is learning how to commit to plans with loved ones without getting too drained.
Do Things That Make You Happy
Ashley suggested a simple self-care strategy focussed on happiness: do more things that bring you joy in 2020. This could be anything and doesn't necessarily need to be a hobby. You could listen to music, sing (maybe even belt some Lizzo lyrics while you're at it [13]), take a bath, what have you. It could even be getting your nails done — treat yourself!
Learn to Budget Your Finances
Marline said that financial self-care shouldn't be overlooked. "Finances can be a major stressor for many people, so learn to budget your finances and take care of any debt you may have accrued over the years," she advised. "Learning how to be financially responsible with your money can help to decrease stressors."
Focus on Your Breath and Practicing Mindfulness
Meditation isn't always for everyone, so Ashley suggested simply finding a comfortable spot to lie down on your back, breathing from your belly, and allowing yourself to be still. However, there are guided meditations on YouTube [14] as well as apps like Headspace that you can try.
Alyssa said that practicing mindfulness helps with calming the mind and "noticing your thoughts without trying to change them and without judging them." It also, she said, "helps create space between how we feel and how we respond." Here is a one-week mindfulness plan [15] you can follow, and five easy tips on how to stay more mindful especially in the new year [16].
Get Adequate Sleep
Marline said getting the recommended sleep per night — meaning at least seven hours [17] — can be classified as "physical self-care." We already know that sleep benefits sore muscles specifically [18], for example. Alyssa added a suggestion of creating a nightly routine focussed on winding down (you can drink tea or read a book, for instance) And, if you're the type of person who stays up late, you can try setting an alarm to remind you that it's time to start winding down for bed, she said.
Learn How to Ask For Help
Alyssa told POPSUGAR that learning how to ask for help is essential for emotional self-care. It also, she said, "takes the burden off of ourselves to solve things on our own." She concluded, "It's OK to tell a friend that you need someone to talk to, and it's OK to receive help." Plus, if you're looking for ways to find a therapist, here's a guide for navigating that [19].