When COVID began in spring 2020, I had been trying to lose the last five pounds my body had been holding on to since my son was born eight years earlier. I was hitting 5:45 a.m. CrossFit classes [1] five days a week, doing intermittent fasting [2] to control my daily calorie intake, and I had been trying for more than a year without success. It was incredibly frustrating! Then the pandemic hit, and I ended up gaining another 10 pounds on top of that. But I've lost 13 pounds in the past three months by using the concept of calorie density [3] in conjunction with primary foods.
What Are Primary Foods?
I first learned about primary foods when I joined the Slim on Starch [4] program in April. I got to work with therapist Kiki Attonito [5], MA, CAP, RYT, who has a master's degree in clinical psychology and specialises in addiction. She told POPSUGAR that primary foods are "the enriching aspects of life that nourish us on a soul level." They're the relationships, hobbies, places, and things that feed our happiness and enrich our lives and give it meaning.
Food Used to Be My Primary Food
"I lost sight of the reasons I was trying to eat and be healthy in the first place — to be able to spend time with my family and do the things that I love."
"When we connect with people, plug into engageing pastimes, and dive into our primary foods, we rewire our bodies and brains to recall the true hits of joy that come from connection with life, as opposed to with food," Antonio explained. This was so key for me to learn. Through my decades of dieting and struggles with body image and trying to lose weight [6], thinking about food and how I looked had become my main purpose in life. I was so focussed on what I was eating, when I was eating, how much, and what I weighed, it was pulling me away from the true joys of life. I lost sight of the reasons I was trying to eat and be healthy in the first place — to be able to spend time with my family and do the things that I love.
All the things I used to love doing before trying to lose weight, like painting, drawing, knitting, learning to play banjo, singing with my husband, and sewing, were all pushed aside, and food became my obsession: my primary food. With food taking centre stage over my thoughts and my life, I didn't feel inspired to do those other things. And because I was eating whenever I wanted to feed that need for joy (most of the time I wasn't even hungry), I ended up gaining weight, and then food took over even more of my attention. I felt so stuck because I truly didn't feel happy.
How I Used Primary Foods to Lose Weight
I didn't realise how much emotional eating [7] was contributing to my weight gain until I heard the creator of the Slim on Starch program, Emmie Keefe, say, "If hunger is not the problem, then food is not the solution." I was feeding all my emotions with food, and although it may have worked initially, it never really satisfied what I was seeking. I ended up overeating every single day [8].
When I intentionally focussed on not turning to food for happiness and instead to discovering my primary foods, my happiness skyrocketed and my obsession with food and weight loss started to fade. It wasn't easy in the beginning. I had to really connect with my emotions and not automatically turn to food whenever I felt happy, sad, annoyed, bored, or stressed. I found that talking to myself and saying the statement, "I'm feeling ______, so I need _______," helped tremendously.
Most of the time I was turning to food for joy, excitement, and creativity; I was constantly cooking and baking because I loved how the delicious foods I ate would give my brain an instant dopamine rush. But baking a batch of brownies and eating half the pan never fulfiled those desires — that happy feeling only lasted a few minutes, and I was always left feeling let down (and with a stomachache from overeating). I realised that if I turned to my primary foods instead, I felt more emotionally satisfied. I felt more joy, more excitement, and was bursting with more creativity. I now know that primary foods are more effective in feeding my soul's needs more than food, and I'm able to let food do its job, which is to nourish my body. It also made me feel proud that I was creating new habits to cope with big or uncomfortable emotions without food.
How to Use Primary Foods in Social Situations Where Food Is Involved
One of the most helpful ways primary foods helped me lose weight was in social situations. Food always seemed to be the focus when I was spending time with my family or friends. What restaurant were we getting takeout from? What do you want me to pick up from the vegan cafe? What should we bake together this weekend? I was really nervous about how to turn the attention away from food without feeling sad about it.
Attonito reminds her clients that the number one reason they are with people is for the primary food of socialisation, not just for the actual food. She told me that by plugging into the connections around me, the importance of food falls into the backdrop as life itself comes centre stage.
I took her advice, and when we had friends over for homemade pizza or got treats from the vegan bakery, I focussed on the conversations, and the food really did fall to the back of my mind. Of course, I also combined this with honouring my hunger and fullness cues, making sure I was eating until I felt satisfied. But when I had the urge to eat past that point because I was seeking out the happiness and excitement food can bring me, I satisfied my emotional needs by engageing with the people around me. Attonito calls this "bookending a meal," which means "choosing a primary food from life to use as the proper 'dessert' after that meal." And it was so much more fulfiling than food!
How to Discover Your Primary Foods
Primary foods are unique to you. Attonito said that we draw primary foods from various aspects of life, including from our relationships, social life, career, spirituality, home environment, movement, hobbies, and creativity — anything that brings you happiness and sparks joy in your life. Here's a list of some primary foods to get you started. Use them to feed your soul:
- People and socialising: spend time with family, join a hiking group or book club, call a friend
- Hobbies: draw, knit, paint, travel, play an instrument, do a puzzle, take photos, garden
- Exercise: go for a run, hop on an exercise machine, take a group fitness class, take a walk
- Stress-relieving activities: yoga, meditation, listen to music or a podcast
- Nature: get outside and enjoy the sights and smells around you
- Pets: spend time with your furry loved ones
- Screens: watch a show or a movie, or play an online game
- Learn: engage in something new to keep life exciting, explore new cultures
Keep reading to see what primary foods I used to help me lose weight. The best thing about primary foods is that the journey of discovering primary foods is never done! These are my main primary foods right now, but who knows what new passions I'll stumble on now that my mind is no longer consumed by food and weight loss. Attonito said, "We get to enjoy discovering and uncovering soul nourishment every day. I tell my clients to enjoy this incredible process, approach themselves and their lives with awe and excitement, and to remember that the process of finding new primary foods is itself a primary food!"
Primary Food: My Family
This is my number one primary food! Spending time with my family and seeing my kids do what they love fills my heart until it's overflowing.
While I know that family is 100 percent more important than food, when I was roped into dieting, I feel like I missed out on spending time with my family because I was spending so much time researching the best way to lose weight, worrying about what I was eating if we all went out to eat, or feeling too self-conscious about how my body looked to really enjoy our time. Now when I'm with my family, I can truly soak in their company. I feel more present, and even if food is involved in our time together, like when we visit a vegan bakery or make homemade challah, the main focus isn't the food — it's the memories we're creating!
Primary Food: Exercise
Working out is actually a double-duty primary food for me. Not only do I love moving my body, getting stronger, and working on fitness goals (hello pull-ups and handstands!), I also work out first thing in the morning alone, and making sure I get time to myself every day is key to my happiness. I love hopping on the rower, biking, running, strength training, and doing yoga. Also, see the banjo behind me? Another primary food!
Primary Food: Drawing and Art
While exploring primary foods, I also got back into my love of drawing mandalas, water colour painting, and doing Zentangle [10] (meditative doodling). This not only taps into my creativity, but it's also very calming and a great way to relieve stress at the end of a busy day. I sometimes draw alone, but my daughter also loves drawing, so spending time connecting with her also feeds my soul.
Primary Food: Nature
I've always been passionate about animals and nature, and I love being outside and marveling at what I find. At the moment, lilacs are blooming, so I've been on lilac hunts throughout my neighbourhood and getting in as many sniffs as I can before the blooms fade. I also love looking for tadpoles and frogs in the spring, monarch caterpillars in the fall, and owls in the winter. It doesn't matter if I'm at a pond, in the woods, on a beach, on a mountain, or just in my backyard — I love it all!
Primary Food: Dog Walks
Spending time with my dogs is another huge primary food for me, and taking them on walks outside is one of the most consistent primary foods I engage in. I especially like to use this as a "bookend" after dinner to prevent me from reaching for leftovers after I'm already full.
Breathing in the fresh air immediately calms my breath and reminds me that we're all connected in this world. I love chatting with my neighbourhood friends along the way or listening to podcasts so this taps into a ton of primary foods: dogs, nature, exercise, socialising, and alone time!
Primary Food: Piggies
Yep, I'm also a guinea pig mommy, and these little cuties always make me feel happy whenever I hear their cute squeaks or see their little lips munching hay. I can't not be in a good mood when I see them! Caring for them by rearranging their cage or outdoor play area is another primary food for me, aside from just enjoying their adorableness.
Primary Food: Playing Music
Before kids, before all my dieting BS, I used to play guitar and banjo, and sing a lot. When I first started exploring primary foods, getting back into playing music reminded me how much I missed it and how much it feeds my soul. I sometimes play alone, but sometimes my husband will play and sing with me, so the social connection piece also makes this a double-duty primary food.
Primary Food: Losing Myself With TV
Another favourite primary food is sitting on the couch, snuggling with my family and dogs, and watching a movie or a show. I love anything that makes me laugh or is touching. In the past when I was bored an hour or so after dinner, I'd reach for some food, even if I was still full from dinner. So this has been a great replacement to satisfy that need for something that engages my mind.
Primary Food: Meal Prep
Some primary foods can involve food, but not have that be the main focus. Meal prepping Sundays is another one of my favourite primary foods because I love that it's more about self-care than it is about the food. I love writing out my weekly menu in my special notebook, making a grocery list, going to the grocery store, and watching a movie while meal prepping salads, soups, oatmeal, and roasted potatoes for the fam and me.
Primary Food: Reading
Reading is not only a great stress reliever, but it's also a way to learn something new. After recently finding out I was a highly sensitive person [11] (HSP), I quickly discovered that my daughter was a highly sensitive child (HSC), and I've been loving learning more about this trait. Reading is a primary food you can do anytime, anywhere!
Primary Food: Hummingbirds
My kids know how obsessed I've become with hummingbirds, and filling up their feeders and catching quick glimpses of them always lifts my mood at random times during the day. It's important to have a variety of interests that can enrich your life and to constantly be learning and exploring our world.