If you've designed a home to what you thought would be perfection but it's still not quite right, it could be because you built it for the person you want to be rather than who you actually are. "Sometimes we can let a fake fantasy version of ourselves take over."
Jessica gives herself as an example: She loved the image of herself as Martha Stewart throwing elaborate five-course dinner parties in a formal dining room. However, she explained, "when I search my heart and get really honest with myself, that image feels empty because it's not really coming from my life's intention to be a good friend. It's coming more from my superficial desire to be someone else's version of fabulous."
Even if Jessica designed the formal dining room of her dreams, she probably wouldn't invite anyone over because she doesn't actually want to cook a huge meal and create ornate tablescapes. "Instead of being a source of joy, that formal dining room would just be a constant reminder that I'm not Martha Stewart."
The Solution:
You can avoid this by reflecting on what Jessica describes as "the truest version of yourself and not just the lofty, idealised version." She explained, "I always remind my clients and students that we must have discernment when expressing our emotional needs, because sometimes we can let a fake fantasy version of ourselves take over. We must be 100 percent authentic and honest with ourselves so our homes can reflect our truest selves. Otherwise, we'll create homes that do more harm than good."
One way to get in touch with this truest self is to journal. Jessica recommends a stream of consciousness in which you ask yourself the following questions: What do I want and crave in life? Who do I want to be? How do I want to give to the people in my life? How do I show love to the people in my life? How do I want to feel in a space and why? What do I wish I had more of? When you're done, highlight what resonates with you.