He feels completely unlovable and ironically, because you love him, your loving care eventually makes you look like a total fool to him.

This is why emotionally unavailable men pull away when women fall in love, why they do insane things like kill great relationships for "no reason" and cheat, abuse, and hurt loyal partners who truly do love them.

An emotionally damaged man's self-hatred cannot be overcome with tender loving care from the outside.

When a bump in the road like this happens, emotionally healthy people usually think, "Oh, this is like me when I'm afraid and need reassurance. I'll provide reassurance of how much I love them and that will do the trick."

On the surface, "I can't love" sounds like it's totally curable and with enough time and loving care from someone — maybe a truly good woman like you — he'll eventually be able to get comfortable and trust you.

However, that process of change and healing those old wounds is not a superpower anyone on the outside possesses.

There is exactly one person who has that ability — and that is him.

The treatment he thinks he deserves right now is for you to agree he's awful and leave him in the dust since he hasn't earned anything else. If you don't mirror his reality while he's walking out the door, he will only continue to systematically devalue you.

That's why all love and care coming from you and any effort to "fix the relationship" has to stop. You can't reassure him that he's lovable or be the good woman who finally helps him change like in the movies.

Someone so determined to sabotage your relationship will accomplish it without serious introspection, emotional work, and therapy.

Instead of taking responsibility for his "inability to feel love," (for heaven's sake ... why not cut out the drama and give love a try instead?) he's chosen the nuclear option — a breakup, which is a great way for him to experience more self-pity and self-hatred.

Self-hatred breeds more self-hatred and causes him to separate himself emotionally from someone who has the genuine capacity to love and care about him.

That's why you can't and shouldn't do anything else to make an emotionally unavailable man fall in love, except make yourself incredibly happy.

Unfortunately, right now, every second that you plead, beg, negotiate with him in an effort to save your relationship is simply another opportunity for him to devalue your feelings and see you as a wimp who doesn't think she deserves anything better.

But, this is not true because you're not a wimp.

Quite the opposite — you're a woman in love and there is not a thing in the world wrong with that. Being head-over-heels for someone is one of the sweetest and best parts of life.

And because he probably won't and can't say it clearly right now: thank you for loving him deeply.

Doing nothing may sound harsh, but it actually works when you want to fix your relationship with a damaged, emotionally unavailable man who is self-hating.

You don't have to stop loving and caring for him. Just make yourself happy from a distance until he's ready to dig in and work on things between you.

Elizabeth Stone is a relationship coach, founder of Attract The One and author of the best-selling program, Ex Attraction Formula. [4]Attract The One. [5]How To Tell If He's Emotionally Unavailable Or ... Just Not Into You [6]