Do you remember the scene in Sex and the City [1] when Carrie finds her "ugly" engagement ring (and then makes all the wrong choices by not marrying Aidan)? It may seem bratty to get so upset over a tiny piece of jewellery, but it's important you love something you'll wear forever. The truth is, engagement rings are a total minefield and choosing the right one is incredibly hard (especially with all of the

new trends [2] and shapes [3] available). You might have an opinion on exactly the one you want (let's face it, you're following all the Instagram accounts [4]), but it's still possible for someone to get it wrong, no matter how much they love you.

So if you know you're getting engaged, how about choosing the ring(s) together? The proposal can still be a secret, but the ring is something you'll wear every day for the rest of your life — you really should get a say in it. I chose my own engagement ring and I don't regret it for a second. Here are some tips for making it part of your personal love story.

Discuss Why You Want to Choose Your Ring

While you might be keen on going ring shopping, your partner might be all in for the surprise proposal and that can make things tricky. Maybe you have your heart set on an antique piece, maybe you want to be spoiled in Tiffany and try on absolutely everything, or maybe you're just a bit of a control freak. All of these reasons are perfectly valid, but it's a good idea to discuss them with your partner. Choosing your ring together can feel really special. It's another part of your story as a partnership. You're not suggesting that your partner is going to make the wrong choice, just that you want it to be something that you share together.

Do a Bit of Window Shopping (Which Might Turn Into Actual Shopping)

My fiance and I actually went ring shopping before he proposed. We'd only planned on having a look for some ideas or styles and what we could afford. We bought the first and only ring I tried on. Despite striking lucky first time, window shopping is a really good way to get an idea of what style you want. You can look at all the websites in the world, but nothing is the same as seeing what something looks like on your finger.

Plan the Rest of Your Day

If you're planning to go out and buy a ring, consider what else you're up to that afternoon. If you've got dinner plans with your future in-laws, it'll be the twinkly two-carat elephant in the room. Our spontaneous shopping trip also included a less-than-romantic stop off at the supermarket to buy a chicken.

Stick to a Budget

When you finally start shopping, it can be so easy to get swept up in the romance of it all (and believe me, jewellers will us this to their advantage). Ignore any "you're worth it" cliches, and stick to what you can afford. Don't try on a £3,000 ring if you've only got £300. You're not worth it if you have to sell a kidney. Have a budget, haggle if you must, but never forget that being in love is not a good reason to get into debt.

Do the Shopping Before the Proposal

After buying the ring, my partner popping the question wasn't exactly a surprise, but I had no idea when it would happen or how. It was a win-win situation. He got to make the grand gesture, I had the perfect ring. And yes, I did ask him where he'd hidden it about 700 times that week.

At the Very Least, Give Them a Clue

I was very specific about the style of ring I wanted, so even if my fiance had chosen the ring himself, he wasn't going in blind. I didn't want a diamond and I don't wear much gold. I wanted classic but not traditional. And I wanted an aquamarine, but definitely not a sapphire. I'm difficult to buy for, basically. Give your partner all the help you can, this isn't some sort of test they have to pass. I'm talking links, pictures in magazines, emails with "ABSOLUTELY NOT THIS" in the subject line. You're not ruining the surprise, you're making a really difficult purchase a lot easier.

Use a Placeholder Ring

Just because you've decided to buy your ring together that doesn't mean your partner has to miss out on the surprise of popping the question. A placeholder ring is the perfect solution, whether it's a ring from a cracker box, a gummy sweet or a piece of costume jewellery from your favourite designer. You're saying "I do" to the person holding the box, not what's hidden inside. Just remember, even after you've said yes, don't eat your gummy ring. It's been hidden in a sock drawer for two months.