15 Dating Mistakes You Need to Stop Making If You're Looking For Love in 2019

Remaining on the date longer than necessary or entertaining someone's texts when you know they're not the one is misleading, and you, a modern dater in 2019, don't have time to waste other people's time, and they'll be dammed if they try to waste yours. "If he's not texting you (ghosting) or texting you just enough to keep you interested but not asking you out (breadcrumbing), it's simple enough," says Patti. "He's just not that into you, and it's your job to get the hell over it."

Patti elaborates, "Women will hear from a guy once and then weeks go by without a second message. When he finally texts again, it's like, 'Where have you been?'" This is called "submarining" in modern dating speak, and it's totally unacceptable. The mistake many of us make is thinking we did something wrong and trying to fix it. "You did nothing wrong!" says Patti. "You're just not a match, and it's time to move on. If he submarined you once, he'll probably do it again. You don't want that anyway."

Patti likes to say, "Rejection is God's protection." This means if someone isn't that into you, there's a reason you're not meant to end up together. Acknowledge the protection against this mismatch and move on! Better things are waiting for you on the other side.

As Arianna Huffington suggests in her latest book, The Sleep Revolution, you must put your own oxygen mask on first. The same is true for dating. Patti explains, "If a man is not making space for you in his life or constantly requiring that you come to him, prioritise yourself and hold your ground. Losing yourself is far riskier than losing this stranger."

Patti wants to remind us all to take time for you. In her book Become Your Own Matchmaker, Patti suggests a 90-day detox after you've broken up — or if you've overdated — to set yourself back on the right track. If you need a detox or maybe just a break, take it. Nothing positive can come from wearing yourself down on the dating scene. Take a beat and refresh, then head back out there. You've got this.

Who is getting this right? According to Patti, it's the late-20s and early 30s crowd. "Millennials are wise in how they spend their time. They're teaching us quality over quantity. They're making the rules and going at their own pace. They're doing things like freezing their eggs so men don't have home-court advantage."

I'm a firm believer that people tell you exactly who they are, but it's your job to listen. If you ignore deal-breakers, you're assigning yourself a longer sentence than necessary with someone who wasn't worth your time to begin with. When you spot a red flag, instead of ignoring it, celebrate the fact that you found out early and then get out as quickly as possible.

Patti has a great tip for listening to those red flags. "Listen to what he or she is saying," Patti explains. "You're on a date, you're sipping Champagne. Ask him where he sees himself in five years. The answer will tell you so much about him. If he doesn't know or he thinks everything will be the same, he's probably not ambitious enough for you. If he talks only about work and doesn't mention family, he may not want kids. Listen for the signs early on."

If the five-year-plan question is too much for you, a far less inquisitive question can also get you plenty of information. Patti suggests, "Asking something as simple as 'what's your favourite restaurant?' can show what kind of person you're dealing with. If your date says In-N-Out, that's an indicator that this guy isn't going to take you on nice dates; that might be an issue for you."

Call it God, life-force energy, the universe, or simply coincidence, but things happen that point you in various directions. According to Patti, "You must pay attention and respect the advice the universe is giving you. When you speak with people who create dating algorithms for themselves or set goals for the new year, the successful ones usually say something like, 'It worked when I gave up.'"

You can't be in total control of your love life, and you have to give a little bit over to the inexplicable in order for magic to happen. To do this, Patti says you must focus on you. "Your mind has to be clear. Love is not an outside job; it's an inside job. The more you work on yourself, the better you are at love."

She told me that classic story we all have where we leave our house looking grunge to go somewhere like the grocery store or the dry cleaners and we meet a handsome man. He stops, talks to us, and asks for our number and we're left thinking, "How did that happen? I look like sh*t today." Patti says this phenomenon arises when we don't care. When we're in our joggers and a baseball cap, we're not thinking about impressing anyone, our anxiety shifts down, and we lighten up. No one is saying you should go on dates in your joggers, but look for ways to simply exhale the things you cannot control and focus that energy on self-care instead.

Patti reminds us, "You need to take expectations down a notch. If you have too many expectations around height, weight, income, etc., your limitations need an adjustment." She also warns, "The older we get, the more used to it we get. You may want a partner, but your list of criteria has become so long that no one is ever going to fit the bill." Instead, Patti suggests you drop the list and focus instead on how your love interest makes you feel.

Maybe it's not what you expected, but that's OK. Focusing on how someone makes you feel is a great way to reset and ask yourself to truly identify your nice-to-haves vs. your need-to-haves.

Don't be afraid to switch things up if something isn't working. Even little changes can have a major impact. Patti told me a story about someone who wasn't finding love in New York City, and instead of moving, she switched up the apps she was using and met her fiancé. This works because she switched not only the app but also the energy she was putting toward it, which is what yielded her results.

If you're still not convinced, Patti's taking her wise words on tour, and you can catch her in select cities this February. What will she talk about? In Patti's words, "I'm here to fix your love life. By the time you leave the theatre, you'll be on the road to love." If you can't make it in person, I'll be there, sharing my take on social media as much as I can before and after the event.