You'll Know When You're Really in Love

I spent years questioning if I was really in love with someone. "Is this it, this has to be love, right?" I would ask myself. With him, I didn't have to ask myself. In fact, I can pinpoint the exact moment I realised I was in love with him. When you're in love, you'll just know.

But Sometimes That Love Isn't Enough

I would love to tell you that love conquers all, but that's simply not the case. If it was, I would already be married to this man and living my happily ever after. Life situations dictate more than what love can conquer, to be honest, and love itself is more complicated than romantic comedies make it out to be.

Your Support Group Is Important

I went through ups and downs with friends as I have grown into the person I was always meant to be. But I am so lucky to have settled in with a wonderful group that have been there for me through every meltdown, every tear, and every time I punched the steering wheel so hard I bled. I always knew my friends were wonderful, but picking me up when I was this down made me realise how lucky I truly am.

Instinct Is Everything

When you love someone, you tend to overlook that little thing called instinct. For a long time in my last relationship, I listened to it and it kept me in check. However, things changed, and once I realised I was in love, I made the decision to give my heart fully. While I admit, I was never so happy in my life, exactly what my gut was telling me would happen actually happened.

Yes, You're Good Enough

You are good enough to have that fairy tale love. It will come. It may not always be easy, but as long as you remember what you are worth and you don't settle, you'll get exactly the type of love you deserve.

You Have to Make You Happy

You made me happy. Happier than I ever was in my life. And when you were gone, I could not pick up the pieces because I looked at the world in a completely different light when you were by my side. I learned that I need to harness that light and those feelings and I need to find a way to release them myself . . . for myself.

Broken Hearts Really Suck

When you're in real love and then it's gone, your heart is broken. Let me tell you. It really sucks. There is actual, physical pain. Your stomach churns. There is a lot of crying (take it from someone who doesn't cry, there is a LOT of crying) and there are a lot of other things you may do to cope. You will break down randomly, you will break down when you're triggered and you will break down in public when you least expect it. It will get worse before it gets better. But, the sun will rise every day and so will you.

You Are Actually Grieving

I gave myself a bit of a hard time for not moving on right away. It took me a few months to even feel like myself again. An advocate of therapy, I stopped in to see mine after I realised that it was taking me a bit too long to get out of the lows. She explained to me that I was actually grieving — it's not just for actual death, it's for loss, period. After that, we were able to pinpoint what part of the cycle I was on and what to expect.

She also reminded me to be gentle with myself. Everyone moves on in their own time and the amount of time we spent together (which was a decent amount of time) is not indicative of the strength of the feelings. I needed to give myself a break.

You Will Never Be the Same

Every experience shapes you in some way, but a tough breakup is one of those things that will have an impact on a lot of facets of your life. This can be both positive or negative depending on what you took from it and your reaction.

For me personally, a positive is that I know the type of love I need and I deserve now. The negative? I will be more emotionally stunted than I already am. It took me more than a year to tell my ex that I loved him (I felt it earlier but the words didn't come because I was afraid) and I only told him after I felt that we were going to move forward together. We didn't. So, now that leaves me in a more careful position. I will hold on to my heart a lot longer.

You Are Stronger Than You Think

I hit major lows during this breakup. But I woke up every day and I did what I had to do to kick ass at work, at the gym, at family events — I just did it. And then something amazing happened — I woke up one day and felt like me again. Powering through made me realise that even though I was devastated inside, I was such a strong person for being able to put on a brave face in the first place.

Sometimes Talking It Out Doesn't Help

Talking is a huge coping mechanism. Either talking to your friends, your parents, your sister, your therapist — whatever. Whether it's a tiny problem or major life issue, talking it out is one of those things that's supposed to help. Guess what? Sometimes silence is the answer.

I am a talker and I usually need someone to either talk to or bounce ideas off of. I realised that talking — even mentioning his name — was sending me down the rabbit hole. The next thing I knew, I was screaming crying on the way home from work and was depressed for days. I realised I had to stop talking about him and had to keep memories locked in my heart. Talking wasn't going to bring him back to me physically, so it needed to end.

The Next One Will Be Rough

Lucky (or unlucky for me, who knows?) I met someone shortly after this breakup when I wasn't looking. And when I tell you that this man is on-paper perfect, he is. If my mother had met him, she would have said, "Em, this is exactly the man Dad and I want for you."

I picked a part everything about him. I sobbed alone in the bathroom after the first time we had sex. I spent an amazing weekend away with him and could only think about doing it with my ex, and not him. The man started out losing and nothing he could do would ever make me happy. Just be prepared for this. While it may only last for one person, it could be two or three before you are ready to be receptive to someone else again.

You Will Need to Be Uncomfortable

I know for me, getting out of my comfort zone was a big step in my healing process. I took a trip to Italy on my own and ended up meeting some amazing new friends. I said "yes" to any fun opportunity that came my way, any extra work that was handed to me, and every new, crazy gym class that was offered.

Those experiences sustained me through some dark times. And they kept me fulfiled until the next new experience. Until I realised that I was actually having fun, too. I plan on staying uncomfortable for awhile.

You Will Have Regrets

I am the type of person who likes to live my life without regrets. Well, I have them in this situation. I wonder if I had been more forthcoming about my feelings, we would have had the future talk a bit earlier and maybe things would have been more solid. I wonder if I had been more stern about my own timeline instead of trying to keep the pressure off had things been different. You will have regrets. But, like me, you will have to let them go because if you don't, you will just throw yourself into a spin again.

There Will Always Be a Place in Your Heart For Them

At the end of the day, this person changed you. They shook you to your core and you emerged a different, probably better and stronger person for it. A piece of your heart will always belong to them and, in time, that will be just fine with you.