Building healthy, sustainable relationships [1] requires work and commitment. But it's these very relationships that can teach us how to be better people and make all that we experience and encounter in life that much more beautiful. It might not always be easy, but being mindful and making proactive adjustments to accommodate what your relationship needs can make a huge difference with both short- and long-term impacts. Here are 12 simple things to give up to make your romantic bonds stronger [2]. You might even notice some of these things can cross over to help strengthen relationships with your friends and family, too.
The Need to Always Be Right
No one is perfect. Likewise, no one is right all of the time.
That said, it's important to recognise the difference between having a competitive nature and the constant need to be right. When it comes to changing any bad habit, you can always start small. Use little opportunities to practice giving up the need to be right. It might be hard at first, but ultimately it can help you create a deeper, more fulfilled connection with your significant other.
Oftentimes the need to be right forces you to focus on the wrong. Instead of looking for what's wrong with what your significant other said or did, try to focus on what's right. By changing your focus, you shift your outlook and you'll notice there will be fewer opportunities to point out that they're wrong and you're right.
A Technology Addiction
I love taking photos to document important life moments as much as the next person. I'll even admit that if I'm at an Instagrammable spot, I might take a few extra shots to make sure I get the right one.
The key thing here is to recognise when usage becomes addiction. If the amount of time you're spending on your phone or on social media outweighs the amount of time you're connecting with your loved one, it's time for a change.
Technology lets us stay connected with those we love but it should never take us away from the present. If social media usage or being on your phone consumes a moment entirely, it can leave your partner feeling left out. If it's a pattern, the behaviour can leave them feeling disconnected from the relationship entirely.
To help you break this habit, you can try downloading an app that locks the apps on your phone (except for emergency calls) during specific times of the day, like date night. You might be surprised by how a small change can drastically improve communication in your relationship.
Comparisons
In life, it can be easy to fall into comparisons. After all, each of us are always growing. But comparisons can have a negative impact on a relationship. Don't compare your partner to anyone who came before or any "type" they might fit into based on their tendencies or habits. It's also important not to compare your significant other to who they were when you first met. The goal should be to learn and continually grow as you build a life together.
Focus on who you are with each day without an expectation of who this person needs to be. You'll find you'll be more motivated to be curious and ask more questions when you aren't boxing the person you're dating into the same shape they were when you first got to know them — whether that was days, weeks, months, or years ago.
Self-Blame
Mistakes happen, that's life.
Misfortunes happen, that's also sometimes life.
Whether something is a fault of your own or one that you just perceive to be, self-blame is an important thing to give up if you want to live out a relationship to its fullest potential.
Remember that communication needs to be at the core of every aspect of a relationship. If you made a mistake or believe you're at fault for something, voice any doubts or concerns to your partner and tackle the issue head on with discussion.
Outward Blame
Just like self-blame, there's no room for outward blame in your party of two either.
Blame can open the door for heightened emotions and tension. And under those circumstances, how can anything be solved?
Instead of placing blame, try to understand where the other person is coming from and the line of thought behind their actions. If something still bothers you after you're able to understand the situation fully, then communicate your concerns and feelings to your partner and come to a resolution together.
Phones in Bed
Make the bed (pun intended) a place for good sleep, good company, and good conversations. Establish the bed as a no-phone zone.
Unvoiced Expectations
In life I've learned that I only know what I know, what I've learned, and what I've been told.
In terms of a relationship, a partner can only know what your expectations are if you voice them, and you'll only know theirs if they do the same.
Share your expectations freely and often and ask questions to prompt the same from your partner. If you're unsure about your partner's expectations or if yours have evolved, talk about it.
A Strict Timeline
While it's important to have an idea of what you want in life and strive to reach goals and milestones, if you're living your life according to a strict timeline, you could be adding unneeded pressure to your relationship.
Communicate and understand your expectations along with what your partner's are, but don't get married to the idea that your internal timeline needs to happen exactly as you imagine in order for both of you to find validation.