A team of experts explain why you should never judge your spouse in a piece on YourTango.
It's time for a change.
Why do we feel the impulse to judge other people? Why do we think being judgmental of our spouse is OK and that we are entitled to criticise them, either mentally — or worse — verbally, despite what the prevailing marriage advice about how to be a better wife or husband says? Is that showing someone unconditional love?
What does it say about us when we judge someone else? And worse, what does it say about us when we judge our partner?
Well — for one — we ALL do it. Seriously, I think it would be safe to say that there is not one human being that has never had a judgmental thought.
So don't beat yourself up about it too much.
Think you're not a judgmental person? Try this: take a day — heck, take an hour — to REALLY pay attention to your internal dialogue about what you see, read and hear. What's your first (HONEST) reaction to events in the news, posts on social media, people you see or talk to? What about during your interactions with coworkers, friends and family?
I'm even doing it HERE . . . judging you for being judgmental! (Sorry!)
Becoming aware of all the negative chatter in your head is a sobering exercise of self-awareness. By becoming aware of this bad habit we are also saving ourselves from future hurt in a relationship.
Being judgmental is a flaw that seems to be inherent in our nature. It goes hand in hand with fear and anger and sometimes feels like an involuntary knee-jerk reaction.
But why does it feel like we're wired for this negative behaviour? Is it part of our primal fight-or-flight syndrome — attack before we're attacked?
Is it compensation for not being in control of something in ourselves or our lives, or does it purely stem from our egos or the need to feel superior to others?
And most importantly, what impact does this trait have on our relationships?
Check out more great stories from YourTango:
- What Real-Life Unconditional Love Looks Like In The BEST Relationships
- 25 Pieces Of The Best Marriage Advice Ever (Collected Over 13 Years
- The 50 Best Marriage Tips Of All Time (From 50 Marriage Experts)