Activist Ericka Hart Wants You to Stop Assuming Things About Disabled People: We "Desire" Sex

By now, living through a pandemic is not a novelty. It's a daily process in figuring out how to literally do life, and if you're living with a partner it can sometimes mean double the work. Hart lives with her partner, EB, in New York. "I feel like the pandemic has greatly impacted my sexual relationship with my partner," she told POPSUGAR. "I think whenever someone is grieving or life just feels unstable or incredibly stressful, having sex or even being intimate stops being a priority. In the midst of a pandemic, we are in a time and space where we are collectively grieving. No one has been exempt from some element of their life being flipped upside down, so it's been hard to be in my body let alone engage in sex in a way that feels good and intentional rather than falling to pressure to do so because I am in a relationship."

And Hart is not alone. Many people have had unlimited access to their live-in partners this year, which has taken a lot of the spontaneity and fun out of intimacy. This, partnered with the many stresses of this past year that Hart touched on, has bumped sex way down on people's priority lists. So if you also haven't been in the mood, don't stress yourself out over it. There's a reason for it, and as long as you and your partner openly communicate about how you're feeling, that's all you can ask for.

People should always be educating themselves on sexuality as it relates to chronic illness and disability, but how exactly can we do that? Hart advises nondisabled individuals to "read the narratives of disabled folks! Follow us on Instagram, and do not listen to able-bodied folks when it comes to our bodies." She also gave POPSUGAR a list of things people should stop assuming about disabled bodies:

1. That we don't desire sex or intimacy. We do and we deserve it!
2. That we are delicate dolls. If we want rough sex/play, we will make that clear, so respect that desire.
3. Don't infantilize us. We know what works for our bodies; we are not children.
4. This is the case for all sexual relationships, but let's talk about what feels good and doesn't for our bodies before we have sex.
5. Making a list breaking down specific needs and desires is fun! Don't kill the mood. Ex: a list of Yes/No/Maybe.
6. Consent, consent, consent! Disabled folks make up some of the highest rates for sexual violence. No interaction should be done without consent.

Self-love shouldn't be something we just read or talk about doing — it's something we need to practice every day even at a micro level. Hart's go-to self-care routine includes making herself a priority. "I have a permanent bath time date with myself on Sundays," she said. "I have been watching a butt load of trash reality TV (Love Island UK has been on top), EB and I have been getting away upstate to some Airbnb's every couple of months, and I have been trying to remain active in some form but it's definitely challenging."

As Hart stresses, there is no one right way to practice self-care. It's all about what works best for you. There are so many ways you can get in touch with yourself and put your mental health and happiness first. In addition to Hart's routines, you can also try journaling, meditation, therapy, and more.

In February, Hart shared the details about their exit from Columbia's School of Social Work in order to bring awareness to the deep institutionalized racism Black people face and how we can help change it, writing on Instagram:

"CSSW administration has attempted to silence me, push me out quietly and punish me for being unwilling to teach a gender course from an apolitical basis or hide the fact that I'm queer and non-binary. When I brought these issues to all levels of administration, I was warned by one dean not to complain about the student as she feared that they could counter with their own complaint purely out of spite (which I didn't realise was a common practice weaponized mostly against Black professors there). When I escalated the issue to upper level admin, I was gaslit, told I was the problem, and when I filed a complaint about those deans to their direct supervisors, I was told, curtly, that they 'considered the matter resolved.'
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After 4 years teaching at the University, my name and picture have been taken down from the website, and my emails removed from the server without any notification as to why (note: my class was/is still being offered—this time taught by a newly hired white cisgender professor who is using the syllabus I created).
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I was 1 of 10 Black adjuncts at CSSW and 1 of only 3 Black, queer and nonbinary adjuncts. There have been racist faculty that met no consequences and very little reprimand for their behaviour. White faculty and deans do nothing despite releasing a bogus values statement in June 2020, where Deans Monique Jethwani, Julien Teitler and Melissa Begg signed their names below a letter 'condemning anti black racism' after actively perpetuating it just months prior.
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Folks have been asking how to support—You can:
- Email the Deans of the School of Social Work
- Share this or the full statement on Medium.
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Demands:
-I don't want my job back. I don't want them to use my syllabus anymore. I want the Deans to be held to account for the harm they caused, to publicly admit what they did, and for CSSW to release the demographic information for adjunct and full-time faculty
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- For racism to no longer happen to any Black professor at that school (or any) ever again. This isn't the first time and I'm not the only one."

Hart has been very vocal about raising awareness for Black trans lives. In June, she shared an incredible list on Instagram of things people should not be doing in order to be a better ally to the community, writing:

"So if you are shouting 'Black trans lives matter' at a protest or tweeting it on the interwebs then I am assuming you are ensuring NONE of the following are happening in your world as they all contribute to Black trans folks dying and/or our overall existence being impacted:
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1. Asking, 'so when did you know you were trans?'
2. Using someone's dead name.
3. Not using people's pronouns (with or without intent).
4. Not asking EVERYONE for pronouns.
5. Asking people about their genitals/any personal information about their bodies when they have shared they are trans.
6. Expressing that trans folks are not your type.
7. Saying that you can tell that someone is trans.
8. Assuming someone doesn't know which restroom they want to use and harassing them out of said restroom.
8a. Working in a building without gender neutral bathrooms and never addressing it.
9. Making transphobic jokes.
10. Biological essentialism: the belief that gender is binary due to binary biological conditioning.
11. Expectation that people reveal their gender identity.
11a. Gender reveal parties/announcements by family and/or physicians.
12. Assuming that trans people came into existence in the 80s.
13. White people moving into neighbourhoods that are gentrified.
14. Policing what people are wearing or not wearing.
15. Businesses only marketing to the gender binary.
15a. Stats or polls about anything only including the gender binary.
15b. Only acknowledging and getting activated around the trauma and murders of Black cis people.
16. Schools assuming the genders of staff and students and never ensuring that it's safer for GNC, trans, non binary, agender etc folks.
16a. Schools (and everyone) expecting trans and non binary staff and students to educate them on gender.
17. Showing up to a protest only when we are gone while never fighting for us otherwise.
18. White and NBPOC queers thinking their queerness will absolve their racism/transphobia.
19. Being an anti Black misogynoir asshole.
20. Taking the path of least resistance."