Is your plain ol' silicone vibrator [1] not cutting it anymore? Looking for something a bit more extravagant to make you (and your lady bits) feel like royalty? If you answered "yes" to both of those questions, I may have just discovered your solution: the Euforia V39 Luxe [2]. Quite possibly the most extra vibrator known to mankind, it features a handle encrusted with 425 Swarovski crystals set in 18-carat rose gold. Now, before you rhetorically ask why this exists, I challenge you with a "why not?"

The absurdly fancy sex toy offers 12 different speeds and can heat up to 104°F, if you're looking to make your alone time even hotter [3]. (Ha, get it? Like, literally hotter, temperature-wise. Anywho, moving on!) The Euforia V39 Luxe is also waterproof and can be submerged up to one meter for up to 30 minutes, as the product description oh-so-specifically notes — y'know, in case you've been itching to get your rocks off whilst scuba diving in the deep end of your pool. I mean, hey, I won't judge your preferences.

Of course, the self-pleasuring device comes with a pretty hefty price tag, ringing up at a cool $1,000. As one verified customer aptly wrote in a review, this is "the definition of TREAT YO' SELF," and frankly, I couldn't agree more. Channel Donna Meagle from Parks and Recreation and treat yo' damn self to the sparkling beaut of a vibrator from Pure Romance below.

Euforia V39 Luxe [4] ($1,000)