You've probably already heard about the five love languages [1]: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, physical touch, and acts of service. These languages are ways people give and receive love best [2]. (And if you're like me, you don't just know about them, you're also obsessed with learning more.) However, you may not be as familiar with the five apology languages.

Created by Dr. Gary Chapman, the author of The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts, and Dr. Jennifer Thomas, the apology languages are ways we heal hurt and ways we want others to heal our own hurt [3]. By knowing the apology language of your friend, family member, partner, coworker, etc., you can apologise to them more effectively in the way that means most to them. The five apology languages are listed in Dr. Chapman and Dr. Thomas's book, When Sorry Isn't Enough: Making Things Right With Those You Love [4] (previously named The Five Languages of Apology [5]), and they are: expressing regret, accepting responsibility, making restitution, genuinely repenting, and requesting forgiveness.

If you're interested in knowing your apology language, you can take The Apology Language Quiz [6], and for more details on what each one entails using information from that quiz, keep reading.

Expressing Regret

This apology language is all about showing you wish you hadn't caused hurt. For example, you might say, "I'm so embarrassed I spoke poorly of you in front of our coworkers," or, "I'm ashamed I hurt your feelings again." This could be your apology language if you feel really seen and validated when someone expressed regret for something they did to hurt you, which then allows you to forgive and move on.

Accepting Responsibility

By accepting responsibility, you're acknowledging you're at fault for hurting the other person. You can do this by saying something like, "I'm so sorry I spilled my drink on your shirt. I need to be more careful next time." Owning your actions as hurtful is key with this one.

Making Restitution

If your loved one's apology language is making restitution, they want you to make the situation right. So, if you lied to them, you could work hard to help them rebuild trust in you. Or, if you broke something valuable to them, you could offer to pay for it.

Genuinely Repenting

Genuinely repenting means acknowledging the hurt you caused and working to do better next time. For example, you might say, "I'm so sorry I embarrassed you in front of our friends. I will do my best to never do it again. Next time, I'll be more thoughtful before speaking."

Requesting Forgiveness

This apology language is pretty straightforward. To request forgiveness [7], you simply ask the other person to forgive you for what you've done. You may also want to add something along the lines of "but it's up to you" when asking.