Last weekend, my family and I attended a local fair. It was a gorgeous Summer evening [1], and my kids each had a wristband for unlimited rides, a bag of cotton candy, and one of their best friends [2] by their sides. It should have been an idyllic night. Then, while my 7-year-old daughter was on a ride that my 4-year-old son wasn't tall enough for [3], my husband decided to take him to explore. They came back a few minutes later carrying a stuffed animal my son had won at one of those awful carnival games. My daughter promptly spotted it and started freaking out.
After I gave my husband a brief lecture in Parenting 101 (never get one a toy the other will see immediately after), I realised that my daughter was really the one in need of a life lesson. She was having the best night ever, and she was going to let a disposable, tiny stuffed caterpillar ruin it?! She needed to focus on all the good stuff [4] in her life and not let one little negative [5] eclipse it. It's not an easy lesson for her, or any child for that matter, to learn, but it's one that will benefit them for a lifetime. Here's how to help your kid focus on the positive.
Encourage Positive Self-Talk
Part of learning to focus on the positive involves seeing the best in ourselves, which in turn creates a more positive overall attitude. How we talk to ourselves can be a self-fulfiling prophecy. Remember that famous Henry Ford quote: "If you think you can do a thing or think you can't do a thing, you're right." Teach your kid to focus on their strengths by asking them to compile a list of their best skills and attributes. Feel free to contribute.
Model Positive Thinking
Our kids watch everything we do, so remember when you're melting down because the coffee shop got your order wrong or you can't find your favourite lip gloss, your child is taking note and learning that it's normal to sweat the small stuff. Instead, try to model positive thinking, even when it doesn't come naturally.
Open Up Their World View
Once your child is old enough, find a place where you can volunteer together [7]. Not only will the experience teach your child to appreciate what they have because others have much less, but it's a great way to spend quality time together and help them develop a generosity of spirit that will last throughout their lifetime.
When Things Get Negative, Change the Environment
If your child starts spinning in a pessimistic direction or focusing on something negative, instead of starting a lecture they don't want to hear, consider changing the environment, especially if it involves some fresh air. Take a quick walk or head to a swing set. Take a drive to a pretty spot and explore. Getting out of the house and into the great outdoors can have a calming effect and remind us of how much beauty there is in the world.
Help Them Reframe Tough Situations
If your child is upset about a setback or disappointment, help them embrace the challenge. Validate the negative feelings; then help your child reframe those thoughts in a more positive way. "I didn't do well on my maths test, but I'm a hard worker, and I'm going to study to do better on the next one." "I didn't get the toy I wanted at the store, but I can add it to my birthday wish list." Let your child know that they're not alone in their struggles; you're there to support them and help them find their way to a happier place.
Use Struggles to Teach Them to Look on the Bright Side
Stuck at the airport with a delayed flight, or dealing with an injury that's kept them out of the game? Use the time to teach your kids about how much of life has both good and bad aspects. Sure, you're not moving as fast as you'd like, but now you have a chance to try that airport ice cream spot, start that book you've been wanting to read, or spend some quality time together. Most bad situations have a silver lining, and focusing on that is the quickest path to feeling better.