I often think about how nice it would be if my children had come with an instruction manual. Throughout the years, I have come up with one of my own, realising that they each require different parenting approaches [1].
Before I had kids, I often heard how different siblings can be [2]. Once I had my children, I realised just how true that statement is. They are not only different — they are polar opposites. Taking into consideration their unique personalities, I have tailored my parenting [3] to their needs. Not only do my children have a big age gap of five years, they are completely different in every way.
My daughter is 11 and in the midst of the pre-teen years. My son is 6 and always wishing he was the older sibling. While they love each other unconditionally, they bicker daily and drive each other bonkers. Even my pregnancies were completely different. With my daughter, I was sick and on bed rest, needing to be induced at 36 weeks. My son was the opposite, deciding to stay put until 41 weeks.
If you have more than one kid, you probably also parent each of them differently. There is nothing wrong with that, in fact it probably makes your life a little easier. This is how I do it.
Discipline
When it comes to disciplining [4] an 11-year-old versus a 6-year-old, there are obvious differences. My daughter will often complain that I am harder on her than her brother, and she is absolutely correct on that.
I expect her to set an example for him, act like the older child, and be able to listen. While my son may get a six-minute time-out, she will get her electronics taken away for the rest of the day for misbehaving. A simple time-out [5] wouldn't be effective for her at this age. My son wouldn't care if he didn't have electronics for the day, while my daughter thinks it is the end of the world.
Playdates
My daughter was born a social butterfly. She has made friends everywhere she goes, from a very young age. My son, however, prefers to socialise on his own terms and with familiar faces. Forcing playdates on him with children he doesn't know, isn't his idea of a fun time. He loves to play with children he knows, rather than a large group of children. He feels most comfortable when he has a close friend to play with [6].
I learned quickly that he needed structured play dates, while my daughter could spend an hour on the swings with a girl she only just met. I learned to plan things in advance for him, like a craft day [7] with a friend or a trip to a trampoline park. He likes to know what to expect. He thrives on structure, while my daughter thrives on spontaneity.
Bedtime
Both of my children are early risers, which is perhaps the only thing they have in common. Because of their age gap [8], my son goes to bed two hours before my daughter. While he hates it and vocalizes his complaints — it's a non negotiable. Six-year-olds need more sleep than 11-year-olds. As they grow older, their bedtimes [9] will continue to shift later, but won't likely match until they are teens.
Chores
Each week my children have a list of responsibilities they must do, including keeping their room tidy, vacuuming, and various simple chores. They do not get paid to exist, so they are not given an allowance [10] unless they elect to pick up extra chores from a separate list.
My son very easily completes his basic list each week and often adds extra chores to earn money. My daughter, however, chooses to do the bare minimum, which is fine by me — and my wallet.
My son is great with things like organising [11] and picking up. My daughter hates organising with a passion, and would much prefer to quickly do the dishes or fold laundry. I give them tasks I know won't stress them out, which results in less whining and complaining.
Morning Routine
The before-school routine [12] runs like a well-oiled machine in our house. My daughter must wake up an hour before we have to leave. She wakes up very slowly and has to have lots of time to get ready. My son prefers to wake up fifteen minutes before we leave, eat quickly and throw on his clothes.
They both get ready independently, and by letting them establish their own routines, it allows me to focus on packing lunches, actually finishing my coffee, and not yelling at them [13].