This post written by Barbara Ann Bruno was originally featured on YourTango.
Don't reach for the Goldfish!
"You can have ice cream if you finish all your homework."
"I'll give you a lollipop if you sit in the dentist chair."
"We will stop at McDonald's on the way home if you behave in the car."
Do these sound familiar? Let's face it, these are sweet bribes or sweet treats as rewards for good behaviour, but what message does it send your kids?
Many moms struggle with this reward system on a daily basis. You're trying to navigate the waters of parenting tips as best you can. At times, it feels impossible when the temper tantrums begin. You pull a lollipop out of your bag handing it over to your little one in the hope to soothe his sorrows and bring about a better disposition.
But is this a good practice?
According to Science Daily, "Parents who use very overly controlling feeding practices with their children, such as using food as a reward or a treat, could be unintentionally teaching their children to rely on food to deal with their emotions. These children may be more likely to 'emotionally eat' later in childhood."
The University of Rochester Medical centre Health Encyclopedia also found that "offering treats as rewards can also lead to cavities and weight gain. When sweets or chips are given as a reward, they may become more appealing. This leads children to develop a preference for them instead of healthier foods with nutritional value."
You may be second-guessing the food as reward idea just about now. Childhood obesity in America is at an all-time high.
If food has always been your go to and you now think that maybe you should try something new, you're headed in the right direction.
Children are surprisingly easy to please. Primarily, they want what all adults want — good relationships with their parents and siblings and positive reinforcement for achieved goals. They like to be rewarded based on merit.
Kids love rewards for their good behaviour and achievements. What can you offer them besides sweet or "unhealthy" treats as alternatives to bribes or rewards for good behaviour?
Some suggestions are better suited for younger children and others for older children, so add to the list of suggestions as you make changes to your reward system. You may find yourself being guided to try new ideas by your children's response to the new rewards.
Here are 5 ways parents can reward their child's good behaviour, without using food as encouragement:
1. Take them outdoors.
Kids love being outdoors, so offer a trip to the park, a bike ride, or a walk around the neighbourhood when they display good behaviour.
It is a good alternative and it teaches them fitness is fun. It also helps your children maintain a healthy weigh[t] which will benefit them as they mature.
2. Think of fun ways to engage them without technology.
Remember when you were young, what was a favourite past time? Kids love blowing bubbles, chalk drawing, fort building, hide-and-go-seek, or reading their favourite book with you.
Participating in the reward by making time for your children is a reward they crave. It also leads to healthy parent-child relationships that will create lasting bonds.
3. Allow them to help cook dinner or create the grocery shopping list with you.
This will put the positive focus back on the "healthier" items in your pantry and take the negative stigma off them. You know the one, "You can't have dessert unless you eat all your vegetables."
Kids see the vegetables as the punishment, not dessert being taken away. If this is a common practice and you notice your kids don't like their veggies, try modifying the reward. Instead of offering dessert offer an extra story at bedtime or something tangible you know they like.
4. As they get older, as with chores, you can offer a monetary reward.
They can save up towards a larger reward if they'd like, such as a skateboard or bicycle.
My daughter is 11 and saves up for earrings, lip gloss, sneakers, and other treats. It gives her a sense of accomplishment, knowing she earned a reward for good behaviour.
5. Emphasize good behaviour and expectation.
Around the age of 9 or 10, place more emphasis on good behaviour and expectation. A reward is great, but the behaviour has to be just as good as the reward.
If they expect to receive a reward with little effort they will feel entitled to a reward without having to display good behaviour. As with everything in life, when you give your best effort you, get rewarded.
By replacing food for good behaviour with other rewards, not bribes, you will see a positive shift in your children's life-long practices.
I have seen a great shift within my own family after implementing these strategies. It may take a couple of tries but with time your children will no longer see sweet treats as a reward.
Barbara Ann Bruno is a Speaker, Author, and Women's Empowerment Coach. If you are struggling with this, she can help. As a mom of four, she's been where you are. Contact her today to end the struggle over offering food for good behaviour.
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