"When was the last time you had sex?" my friend asks me during a recent get-together. I have to think for a moment. "Hmmm, I don't know," I answer. Now, if she were to have asked me that question ten years ago, I would have said, "This morning." So, what's changed? Well, I have. My husband has. Our life has. I'll spare you the details about what our sex life was like when we initially got married (let's just say we had very good nights and very good mornings almost every day), but now we're just in a totally different phase of our lives, and that's not a bad thing.
Ten years later, we have two kids — one with special needs — stressful jobs with long hours, a mortgage, and bills up the wazoo. When my husband comes home from work, he's exhausted. He works for a great company and loves his job, but it's very stressful and tiring for him. I work from home, and after spending the entire afternoon helping the kids with their homework, which often leaves me feeling like I've just been through battle, I'm exhausted as well. I also handle bedtime with the kids, which is a whole other mountain to climb.
At the end of the day, all my husband and I want to do is relax. We usually snuggle on the couch, talk, have a drink, and watch TV together, because honestly, that's all our almost 40-year-old bodies have energy for. But once in a while, my husband will smile at me a certain way that makes my heart skip a beat and we'll turn off the shows and head to the bedroom. It's always spontaneous, never planned, and to be honest, it's the best.
For us, it's all about quality, not quantity. Every couple is different, so we don't pay attention to the "once a week" rule, or schedule sex to try and force it wherever we can. Of course I miss the sex life we had prior to having kids, but I also wouldn't trade the life we have now for the world. While it's true that our energy levels have plummeted over the years, our love and passion for one another is stronger than ever, and that is what makes the sex that much better . . . whenever it does happen.