Love, raising a family — these are things that can be such wonderful, fulfiling experiences but typically take a great deal of work. Some days, I find myself elated by the prospect and smothering my partner with love. Other days, we're stuck in a battle of who is going to talk to the other first. Our greatest challenge, and one I'm sure other couples can relate to, is communication [1]. So much gets lost in the emotions of my voice, my body language, and the things I decide not to share. What I meant to say sometimes comes out wrong, or I get defencive when my partner approaches me about a mistake. I'm also fiercely independent and don't always take direction or criticism well. And patience . . . I try my best, but some days are tough after many hours with a sweet but wild 3-year-old. It takes work. But the one thing I do that helps me to not lose all of my patience with my partner [2] is that I try to look at him with new eyes.

I know that might not make sense, but hear me out. Most of us spend a great deal of time with our partner. I believe the intense butterflies, the mushy love, and the passion can fade away [3] if we don't check in with ourselves and our partner often. It happens to me all the time. I get short with him, I take things personally, and I forget to look at him with love, as I did when we first started dating. It is almost as if I need to reset my brain, remember a great memory, and then look at him and think, "Oh, it's been you all along. I almost forgot." Amid the disagreements, the plans, the nappies, the cooking, and the budgets, I need to see my partner, and see the love and the passion for our relationship.

I remember the other day, we hadn't spent much time together [4] and after I dropped our daughter at preschool, we decided to go to the store together. Wild, I know. It may seem like a regular old routine, but it was time together, which is often in short supply. We had just recently been in a bit of a funk from a disagreement over parenting style and going to the store, being a couple, and a little hand holding [5] broke the ice — and we were melting for each other again. It is in moments like that, simple ones, alone ones, where I look at him with new eyes and a renewed sense of patience.

And I ask the same of him as well. If he seems to be losing his patience with me for one reason or another (maybe I'm not taking his advice on a discipline style for our daughter or maybe I've been less than passionate [6] or not showing him love) — whatever the scenario — when I notice that he seems distant, I remind him that I am still here. I ask him to remember a really great time we had together, or remember when we first met. I remind him that although I may have upset him, I am here. The woman he loves is not lost, he just needs to see me again.

So when I'm feeling less than in love, I ask myself, "When was the last time you looked at your partner again?" Then, I take the time to do just that. I watch him as he's cooking over the stove. Notice the small effort as he makes me a cup of tea and slowly brings it over to me, removing the tea bag and placing it on a tiny plate next to my cup. When he gets back from the gym or a long day of work, I try to watch him with new eyes as he hop into the shower. And maybe, if I can, I hop in with him.