"I promise to love, honour, and cherish you till death do us part." These were the words I vowed to my husband on our wedding day [1]. I meant them with all of my heart, and I still do today, but after 10 years of marriage and two kids [2], things change.
I'd be lying if I said I've never lied to my husband before. I'm not talking about serious lies here, like hiding a big financial purchase [3] or making an important decision regarding the kids without him. I've always done my best to give my husband respect, as he's done for me. He is a great man, husband, and father, and I love the life we've built together.
Sometimes though, I do lie to him — but for good reason. After working, running errands, cleaning the house, helping the kids with their homework, and cooking dinner, I am flat out exhausted [5] by the end of the day. Some days are much worse than others, and on those particular days, all I want is to be left alone. So, I lie.
While my husband is still awake watching TV on the couch, I tell him that I'm tired and am going to bed early. I give him a kiss goodnight, change into my pajamas, brush my teeth, and get into bed. All that part is true, but the going to sleep part . . . not so much. Instead, I stay up and go on my phone [6], check my social media, read articles, and watch videos. Although I'm really not doing much, I crave that alone time, and if I don't get it, I think I might go crazy.
Being a mother to young children is incredibly demanding and can also be mentally, emotionally, and physically draining. As much as my husband is a part of our children's lives, they demand so much more of my care and attention. Though motherhood a tough gig [7], I'm not complaining. All I want is a little bit of alone time [8] for me to recharge now and then.
So that's why I lie to my husband. Taking some time to be alone, away from my family and my responsibilities, is something I don't think my husband will ever really understand. And I don't blame him, because he doesn't know what it's like to be me. I lie because I don't want to hurt his feelings or have him believe I'm choosing my phone over spending time with him. The truth of the matter is, I am choosing myself [9], to save my sanity and mental health, so that I can wake up the next day ready to get back to the grind with a smile on my face.