Why Making Mom Friends Is So Important When You Have a Baby
Why Making Mom Friends Turned Out to Be a Motherhood Game Changer
When I found out that I was pregnant with my first child, I was certain that I'd be the most prepared new mom. I'd read all of the books and bought all of the things that I thought I needed to welcome our baby into this world.
I knew that bringing that little bundle of joy into our lives would be the most physically painful thing that I'd ever do. I was scared and nervous but still very much prepared for it.
I knew that there would be good and bad days, all the while hoping that the good would most certainly outweigh the bad.
I knew that I would find myself constantly tired, both physically and emotionally.
Simply put, I thought I knew how motherhood would challenge me in ways that I couldn't even begin to imagine, but I had no idea.
Simply put, I thought I knew how motherhood would challenge me in ways that I couldn't even begin to imagine, but I had no idea.
After our little boy arrived and my husband returned to work, I was left to spend eight hours a day, five days a week, with a tiny human that I didn't have the faintest clue on how to properly care for.
Suddenly, my days were filled with self-doubt and quite a bit of crying on both sides. I went from feeling so competent and prepared to overwhelmed and uncertain. I still remember the morning that I got us both ready to go to my six-week postpartum appointment. I hadn't slept a wink the night before, and between countless feedings and pumping sessions, my nerves were raw and I was physically done. Right as we were headed out of the door, that sweet little baby projectile vomited all over me. That was it; I'd had it. I cleaned us both up and just sat on the floor with him in my arms, and we both had a good old-fashioned meltdown.
But of all the emotions that I felt, loneliness prevailed. These feelings led me to develop an unyielding need to be around others who were going through the same thing I was. Because as prepared as I thought I was, nothing compared to the desire to fill my space with those who knew and understood everything happening in my new normal.
I cleaned us both up and just sat on the floor with him in my arms, and we both had a good old-fashioned meltdown.
Ultimately, I needed to find my mama tribe — to fill it with women who were as deep in it as I was. Mamas who would let me ugly-cry it out when I needed to, cheer me on when I finally got my little man down to sleep before midnight, and just generally help me laugh to keep myself from falling to pieces. I needed a judgment-free place where I could just be the everyday hot mess that I was (and still am!).
One night, during one of my countless Google deep dives, I miraculously stumbled upon Peanut, an app for moms. And within a few minutes, I realized that every need and want that I had for a community was waiting for me right there. I found a platform to seek advice, obtain support, and share experiences.
About a month into using the app, I went on my first "Mama Date" with another new mom who lived close by. It's funny, really. I had just about as many butterflies in my stomach as I did when I went on my first date with my husband. Would she like me? Would I like her? We met up at a local park, our little guys in tow. And as soon as I saw her, I knew that a true friendship was in our future. We must have walked at least five miles that day, sharing all the gory details of our birth stories, laughing at all of the mom fails that we had already experienced, and swapping ideas on tips for our little ones.
So in the end, what I really needed to prepare for motherhood was community. A place of acceptance and belonging.
And as a woman who thought she was prepared for motherhood, it was the answer that I needed all along.
Kayla Gruenwald is a new mom and a member of Peanut, the app for modern moms to make new friends, chat, and be a part of a community of supportive, like-minded women. This content was created in partnership with Peanut.
