The following post written by Dr. Stan Tatkin was originally featured on YourTango.
Nothing in your life works well when you're out of sync with your partner.
The great irony of modern marriage is that working toward your shared dreams often becomes the very thing that pulls you apart. Paying for that dream house requires working long hours at the office. Raising those adorable kids demands endless amounts of time and energy. The undivided attention you once gave to your partner goes right out the window.
Remember at the start of your relationship, when you only had eyes for each other?
We used to put our partners on a pedestal and organise the rest of our lives around them. It was annoying to everyone around us, but that "all about us" time served a purpose: Immersing us in the other person so that we can deeply connect. Part of that time together often included imagining an idealistic life and future with your special someone in it.
So, you said "I do" and stepped forward into that dream life together. Only, then reality happened — Marriage. Jobs. Kids.
The unfortunate reality for many couples is that the influx of kids changes everything, including the satisfaction felt about your marriage. And you're not alone in that.
A Pew Research Centre survey found that 88 percent of Americans say "marrying for love" is very important, while "having children" and "financial stability" trailed in as the fourth and sixth most-popular answers. Yet the demands of kids and careers tend to take our attention away from our spouses, at the peril of the love we say is so very important to us.
So, what's a couple earnestly in love to do? What should you prioritize first in the face of endless real life responsibilities and demands?
To get an answer, we talked to psychologist Dr. Stan Tatkin and his response is both brilliant and surprising. He shares a wise reframe of the entire situation that offers couples a way to handle everything life throws their way while remaining in beautiful harmony with one another.
We think you're going to love this message. So, check out what he had to say in the video above. Your marriage (and your spouse) will thank you for it.
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