If you're caught in the tortuous cycle of snapping at your kids and then feeling guilty for the way you've spoken to them, Rose & Rex's [1] Education Director Lauren Vien, M. Ed. can sympathize. As a mom with over a decade of experience teaching in private preschools and an author of The Guide: Positive Language Strategies [2], Lauren wants parents to understand that perfection isn't the goal [3].
Instead, Lauren suggests having honest, age-appropriate conversations with your child [4] to acknowledge the negative language or tone you used. She outlines simple talking points that even young children can understand. "I'm sorry I used an angry voice this morning. I was feeling frustrated that it was taking our family so long to get dressed today."
Lauren recommends also doing this for toddlers who haven't developed their own verbal skills yet [5], pointing out that she includes her 18-month-old daughter in these conversations. "I know that she can understand far more than she can say right now."
Her second piece of advice? Be gentle with yourself. Lauren shares a rule of thumb that she learned while studying education at NYU: the 7/10 concept. The idea is that 7 out of 10 of things we say to a child should be positive. "During extra-tough moments, when I'm feeling guilty about my choice of words, it's comforting to reflect on the day as a whole. 10/10 is not happening. 7/10 I can do… most days!"