For those suffering from depression, it can often feel like nothing will ever get better [1] and nobody will ever understand. My personal bouts consist of oversleeping, undereating, shutting down at inappropriate times, disconnecting or isolating myself from the people I care about in an effort "not to burden them," and generally being a challenging person to deal with and get through to [2].
I think about all the ways depression (and its sh*tty second cousin, anxiety [3]) have made a home in me; like a devil on either shoulder, telling me I don't deserve the things I want, the people I love don't love me back, and the roads to healthy relationships and self-confidence will always be closed for construction. But one of the things I can bring to my decades-long odyssey with mental illness (besides, you know, medication and therapy) is a wry, malapropos sense of humour — because sometimes, it really does seem like there is nothing else. That being said, here are some text messages I just know I'd get from my depression if it could fit its grubby little hands around a cell phone (and if I actually gave it my number).
- It's honestly so crazy to me that you have friends. Isn't that crazy to you?
- You realise nobody like, actually likes you, right? Try looking up "tolerate" in the dictionary, hun.
- They "just want you to be happy?" LOL, you don't really believe that, do you?
- Yeah, that dude is WAY out of your league. Cute that you thought he'd be into you, though.
- Don't you think you're being a little too . . . I dunno . . . happy right now? Snap out of it, girl. It's not always about you!
- Isn't Pinterest so inspiring? It's like, all the things you'll never have and don't deserve, but in one handy place. You should check it multiple times a day!
- You really are better off just keeping your head down, getting your work done, and going home. Nobody will notice because nobody cares!
- You really are better off just saying you're tired, turning down the invite, and staying home. Nobody will notice because nobody cares!
- Wait, you tried to explain our relationship to someone?! I bet you cried! Way to go. Have fun looking insane.
- OMG, my vacay was amazing. Looks like you had a fun couple of weeks without me but I'm so glad to be back — aren't you so glad I'm back?
- Did that doctor just call me "severe?" Way harsh, Tai.
- Hey, we have that 11 hours of sleep that we really need to get to. So what the sun's still out? Seems like the sun's problem.
- Um, Anxiety just told me you were awake half the night [4] thinking about how f*cked up your life is and didn't get the 11 hours of sleep we need to function. Care to explain?
- Wait, who told you your life was f*cked up? Not me, I hope.
- Dude, you're so dramatic. You'll be fiiiine. When have I ever lied to you?