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An Unfiltered Review of Netflix's Love, Guaranteed

39 Unfiltered Thoughts on Netflix's Supercheesy Rom-Com Love, Guaranteed

Sep 4 2020

There isn't much that'll stop me from watching a romantic comedy, not even the pure cheesiness of the premise. Netflix's latest offering to the rom-com hive stars '90s-movie royalty Rachael Leigh Cook and comedic genius Damon Wayans Jr. Their flick Love, Guaranteed follows Nick as he hires lawyer Susan to sue a dating site due to a lack of matches. Though Nick is attractive and charming — in a snarky self-assured kind of way — he's made it through 986 dates without finding love, which the dating app guarantees. Susan, who has been working cases pro bono and sorely needs the cash, takes on the case, even though she thinks Nick is an opportunist who's using a loophole to scam lifestyle guru Tamara Taylor for money.

Obviously, things start to heat up between the two as the case becomes more complicated and they eventually find love outside of the dating app. In typical rom-com fashion, the two are kept apart due to Susan's worries about winning the case, but they figure their lives out enough to nab their happy ending! If you're into Netflix's usual brand of cheesiness, like The Lost Husband, this is definitely the film for you! Keep reading for all the unfiltered thoughts I had while watching Love, Guaranteed on Netflix.

Image Source: Everett Collection

  • Laney got her law degree! So proud of her, though obviously sad that she and Zack didn't work out.
  • I don't know if we'll be seeing that bailiff again, but they are already my favourite person in this entire movie.
  • Word to the wise, if you say nothing but net and miss, you have to keep trying until you get it in properly or you'll have bad luck for the rest of your life. Sorry, I don't make the rules.
  • Not her making a joke about being broke and then opening a fridge full of takeaway boxes! First rule of being broke is learn how to cook and save that money.
  • Dear Christ, even the movies are starting the pumpkin spice latte propaganda early.
  • All the respect for the idea of helping people pro bono, but it's obvious that logistically it doesn't work out. She must be charging someone something to keep the lights on!
  • Nick is fit, but that attitude tells me the dates aren't the only problem.
Image Source: Everett Collection

  • Excuse me, they did not just have Ms. Girl put her car door handle into her bag! You can't be that broke and keeping up that flat.
  • Roberto and Denise are on level with the bailiff from the beginning.
  • Why has Damon Wayans Jr. been so attractive all his life? What milk is he drinking, I just want to know. For science.
  • I've had my brush with online dating, but I'll be damned if I go on 986 dates to prove a point. He must be a Capricorn.
  • Denise said time never stopped her from enjoying a cocktail and I, for one, vibe with that energy.
  • Respectfully, is Susan actually a child who woke up in the body of a lawyer one day? Is that why she doesn't know how money or bills work?
  • What is with rom-coms giving their leading women busted cars? It's not that hard to find a good deal for a functional ride.
  • "Hi — Roberto, accounting," is how I'll be speaking up in meetings from now on.
  • If you want to say "half a dozen," just say six.
  • I find it really hard to believe that Nick couldn't find one woman he liked out of 1,000 dates, but he's a Capricorn so I guess it fits.
  • If you have that many allergies, you better be bringing your meal to the restaurant. Or read the menu beforehand at least!
  • I know Susan and Nick are having a moment on this "date," but all I can think about is how damn comfy those velvet booths look. I want the couch and chair versions of them ASAP.
Image Source: Everett Collection

  • I'm not saying that Tamara Taylor reminds me someone whose business starts with G and rhymes with boop, but it was definitely a thought.
  • That was Arianna's house??? I've been genuinely rendered speechless.
  • There is absolutely no way a woman doesn't know what "U Up" constitutes in texting. Even if she hasn't been on dates, it's in movies and TV shows!!
  • Susan is clearly a workaholic, so how is the fact that she's working on a weekend so outrageous to Nick?
  • I have never been to a work meeting where I did the attracted giggle! Is this what I would have gotten if I followed my father's advice and became a lawyer?
  • Nick and Susan have absolutely zero chemistry together, but you know what, I'm going to keep watching this for all the supporting characters.
  • I'm sorry, has she never babysat her nephew in the four years of his life? Why did she need Nick to come in and bribe the boy to get him to nap?!
Image Source: Everett Collection

  • Not this fake threat from the Love, Guaranteed lawyer. Now Susan is going to overthink everything.
  • Oh, the dramatics of ignoring your client because you're falling for him and can't put on your big girl pants enough to just tell him what's going on.
  • "Just pump the brakes while you're working together." Wow, common sense for $200, Alex!
  • Not this sad montage of moments with Susan staring outside the window and tearing up!
  • Side note: did anyone else notice how Melanie's husband is a giant compared to his petite wife and sister-in-law? Into it.
  • This walk into court is so dramatic, I can't handle the slow mo.
  • If Nick has never been on a second date with any of those 1,000 dates, then it's kind of obvious that he wasn't trying to find true love. I'm just saying!
  • Okay, Ms. Arianna Silver in the silver suit! I love a woman who knows how to make an entrance.
  • This is clearly a case of Nick licking his wounds! He's obviously using this as a petty way to get back at Love, Guaranteed because he got dumped!
  • Why are they acting like they can't just get together after the case is won?! All of these people should be fired.
  • Why is everyone acting like they just got married, I'm so baffled.
  • I mean, everyone wins in the end, but that was just ridiculous.
  • That is a really cute poster though, so I guess I'll forgive the hot mess of a trial.
Image Source: Everett Collection

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