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Too Hot To Handle Review

Too Hot to Handle: 52 Unfiltered Thoughts I Had Watching Netflix's Horniest Reality Show

Apr 21 2020

Watch out! This post contains spoilers.

If there's one thing I can appreciate, it's a trashy reality show. There's something about watching real people acting completely out of pocket that soothes any concerns I have about my own life careening out of control. So the debut of Netflix's new reality series Too Hot to Handle had everything to get me hooked: singles ready to mingle, a challenge to drive them up the wall, and a money prize to put the pressure on. But then Netflix came through with the real kicker; the sexy singles are free to form romantic connections, but they have to resist getting sexually intimate with each other for the cash prize of $100,000.

*Record scratch* I know a majority of people immediately thought to themselves that they could refrain from having sex for that amount of money. Hell, most people are doing that for free! (Though that may or may not be happily.) But somehow, Netflix found the most commitment-resistant, sex-obsessed group of youths to prove how hard (pun intended) it really is. And then they switched it up and turned the entire challenge into a lesson on growth and self-worth! I got, got and I'm not even mad about it.

Do I think everyone from the show changed their ways after leaving the island? Absolutely not. But if there's a reunion episode that pops up to prove me wrong, I will immediately be adding it to my queue to watch. Until then, check out my 100 percent unfiltered thoughts while watching the eight-episode debut season of Too Hot to Handle.

Image Source: Netflix

  • I can already tell what the vibe is for this show when 20-year-old Chloe opens the first episode by saying she isn't "the brightest spark in the book." Regardless of how confident you are in yourself, I promise there's never a reason to call yourself stupid. The world is filled with people who are more than ready to tear you down and they do not to need your help.
  • Sharron majored in Women and Gender Studies, which was apparently great help for learning how to pick up women. A ton of men in fedoras just took furious notes.
  • I am truly sorry for all the people who will be getting photos featuring air freshener cans after this.
  • Really want to know where Harry gets his seemingly endless animal nicknames from, but I'm also terrified to learn the answer. Naughty Little Possum is forever engraved in my brain.
  • Imagine the level of commitment it takes to wear a hat, harem pants, and a tunic to a tropical paradise.
  • I would love to learn how production advertised this show to people. I'm guessing "sex-filled paradise" was the general gist because these might be the horniest people I've ever seen on television.
  • Wow, three Black people and no other visible persons of colour. We're really going hard to make reality TV more diverse.
  • I want to say that David is overconfident with his belief of British accents basically being catnip in America but . . . Mama didn't raise a liar.
  • I would be surprised at how quickly people paired up, but it's obvious that everyone's trying to get it in ASAP. They're all going to regret taking their time when they realise they won't be able to do much more than cuddling.
  • Maybe I've watched way too many horror films, but I would have been terrified out of my mind when Lana randomly began speaking. That's usually the part of the movie where people start dying.
  • See, Sharron gets it!!
  • Okay, I know these people have been hit with some shocking news, but the look of sheer devastation on their faces when they learn they can't have sex is *chef's kiss*. Some people live without it for free, guys!
Image Source: Netflix

  • No one is shocked that Harry and Francesca are the first to break the rules. But the fact that he lies to everyone and goes out of his way to tell them she initiated it? Looks like we have our first villain of the house.
  • Of all the contestants on the island, I most relate to Kelz and his ability to come up with various scenarios that cost the same amount of money that other people are losing him. This man is about his bag.
  • I can't help but feel like Harry manageing to turn everyone against Francesca — even though he's clearly lying — is white male privilege at work. I can't say how, but I feel it.
  • I'm genuinely pissed at how easily everyone turns on Franchesca at Harry's word, especially with Rhonda leading the pack. It's obvious that everyone is judging the brunette based on her looks and general vibe — whether intentionally or not, Franchesca gives off a Regina George-esque aura. Good looks, confidence, and a clear lack of f*cks are working against her. It's annoying as hell to see people call her manipulative when all she did was kiss the wrong guy.
  • David and Chloe have a pretty adorable date, but I'm not 100 percent sure there's a spark. Obviously, the accent trick doesn't work when you both have similar inflections.
  • Francesca and Hayley pulling off their secret kiss to lose the group more money is some serious low-brow scheming. It's devious, bound to blow up in their faces, and truthfully, the funniest sh*t ever. The things people do to get even.
Image Source: Netflix

  • Even though she spent all of the last episode tearing him to shreds, Harry manages to get back into Franchesca's good graces thanks to some Shabari. Who knew bondage was the way back into someone's heart?
  • Lana finally reveals that someone else broke the rules, and Franchesca and Hayley are either the worst actors on the face of the planet, or just don't care about getting caught. They are very obviously hiding something and are at not subtle about trying to switch the focus onto Sharron and Rhonda. Come on ladies, if we're gonna be schemers we have to be better than this!
  • Sharron's freak out over being accused of breaking the rules causes Rhonda to confront him about their developing relationship. He says he needs space, but he obviously doesn't know that he's not the only one with sights on Rhonda. Speaking of which . . .
  • David and Chloe have a heart-to-heart where she reveals that she can't see them going further. I would argue that they totally have enough chemistry to warrant at least one other date, but the heart (and hormones) wants what it wants. Plus, that leaves both of them free to pursue other people on the island.
  • Cue the arrival of Bryce, who reminds me of a tanner Adam Pally and proudly exclaims that he lives on a boat, where he has a lot of sex. Of course, that means absolutely nothing since there's no sex to be had on this island, and Bryce is suitably shaken when he learns the rules from our favourite accountant, Kelz. Bryce says rules are meant to be broken, but not when they're charging $3,000 for kisses, Love Boat!
Image Source: Netflix

  • The episode begins with a "boat" party that Bryce throws in honour of his arrival on the island. The less said about that night's entertainment, the better. He and Chloe have a little connection and they manage to keep it pretty PG, so I'm proud of them.
  • The deepest connection made on the island so far is between David and Sharron and I'm here for this friendship! (And the drama it will inevitably bring.) It doesn't seem like Sharron cares about how David feels about Rhonda, but he's about to get a hell of a wakeup call with the group's new workshop.
  • The producers stir the pot by pairing Kelz and Franchesca (who's looking for something new after Harry), David and Rhonda, and Bryce and Chloe.
  • Not gonna lie, I was rooting for "Sharonda" before, but damn if "Davonda" isn't making several points during this workshop? The way they didn't want to let go of one another during the hug and how David was moved to tears during the staring exercise? I could get into this!
  • After the workshop, Sharron is rightfully threatened by the developing feelings between David and Rhonda, but what's more important is that the group gets a gift. Lana gives them a watch that rewards them for making genuine connections by allowing them to kiss. Hopefully, everyone understands that she means emotional connections, not sexual ones. (They definitely don't.)
  • Franchesca and Kelz have a date, but I just don't see them really getting together. Franchesca is still caught up in Harry's web and just seems super horny. She later proves me right, even after a steamy date with Kelz in the showers. She says she's more attracted to Harry than Kelz and, I can't say I understand it, but different strokes for different folks.
Image Source: Netflix

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  • David and Rhonda have a date in which they admit that they have true, romantic feelings towards one another. This encourages David to talk to Sharron, to whom he opens up about his feelings for Rhonda. Sharron is upset, telling David that he "sneaked" him, but honestly, the other man isn't in the wrong here. Sharron asked Rhonda to give him space and couldn't open up to her. It wasn't until he saw another man being interested in her that he started taking her seriously. David, who's been honest with everyone about everything from the beginning, obviously has no issues with being open with Rhonda. He doesn't need time to figure out if he wants more with her, he's ready to pursue their connection. But more importantly, when did I get so invested in these people's relationships?!
  • David elects to back down from his budding relationship with Rhonda and let Sharron move forward with her. The latter does, inviting her on a date and telling her that he wants to work on being more open with her. Rhonda accepts Sharrono back with open arms and the duo gets the first green light from their watches, leading to a steamy kiss. It's sweet, but I wonder what would have happened if Rhonda had time to choose between her beaus rather than them deciding for her.
  • "Sharonda" scores a night in a private suite and of course, they break a whole bunch of rules. Lana itemizes their activities for the group (viewers will just have to guess because it all gets bleeped out) and costs the group $16,000. But hey, they didn't go all the way, so, growth!
  • Harry b*tches about Kelz to Sharron, because he doesn't understand how physics works and that Kelz has enough muscle to bench press two of him. When the two confront one another, it's nothing but a d*ck measuring contest that makes both men look like children. Thankfully, they later attend a workshop that forces them to open up to one another and make nice. With lots of mud!
  • Somehow, Franchesca ends up being the one to ask forgiveness from Harry, even though he's been a verifiable doucheweasel about everything since they first kissed one another. They agree to make an honest go of their relationship and get the green light to make out again. I'm confused and frankly disappointed that Franchesca went back to him. I guess his self-proclaimed "boyfriend d*ck" is worth all that drama.
Image Source: Netflix

  • Not only does Hayley get booted from the island for being too much of a negative Nancy (she didn't like anyone other than Franchesca anyway), but three more horndogs join the retreat! It's safe to say that the producers knew what they were doing when they nabbed Kori for the second portion of the show because the boy is fine.
  • While everyone is fawning over the newbies, Franchesca and Harry stick to each others' side, proving to Lana that they're still committed to one another. They land a night in the private suite, which winds up costing the group $20,000 when they consummate their relationship. No one is shocked, but they are pissed.
  • Sadly, the hits just keep coming. Matthew breaks the news that he's decided to leave the retreat. It's just his time and he leaves the island promising that he'll be taking everything he's learned with him in the real world.
  • While Matthew leaves because he hasn't made any connections, our girl Chloe's on her third try! She's been on a date with David, spent $3,000 kissing Bryce (but still didn't feel a spark), and now she's onto Kori — who is determined to break as many rules as possible. He initiates a kiss with Chloe, spending another three grand, and the two decide to cuddle together for the night. Fingers crossed!
Image Source: Netflix

  • Although Chloe has cost the group six grand so far, the girls are nothing but supportive when she reveals that she and Kori have gotten a little closer since he arrived. Nicole notes that she's happy that Chloe seems excited, but she hopes that Kori is genuinely interested in making a connection with the other girl. Surprise — he's not.
  • On the other side of the island, Kori admits to Harry that he's just here to "f*ck around" and if someone catches feelings because he's such a "geezer," that's not on him. It's not like he's going around kissing women and asking them to cuddle with him or anything. Oh wait, that's totally him. Harry, feeling secure in his relationship with Franchesca, encourages Kori to live his horniest life and play the field while he's here. That's totally not going to bite him in the ass later.
  • Of course, Kori takes his advice and invites Franchesca on a date! Is it wrong to feel a little gleeful that Harry's getting a bit of his own back? Sorry, I'll be better.
  • Harry tries to convince everyone that he trusts that Franchesca will shut Kori down, while Rhonda breaks the news to Chloe that Kori isn't interested in her. Chloe is devastated, but she focuses a lot of her rage on Franchesca, saying that her "morals are none" since she accepted the date. She's not wrong that the other woman shouldn't have gone on the date with Kori, but her anger should be aimed at Kori, who is more than ready to string her along.
  • Franchesca goes on the date with Kori because she likes to torture herself, but ultimately realises that what she has with Harry is too "rare" to mess with. Kori's not too heartbroken and Harry's elated, but Chloe isn't as forgiving. She tells the other woman that she'd rather not talk to her again. Yikes.
  • Luckily, Lana is ready to mend this tension with a workshop on Yoni Puja, which rudimentarily translates to "vagina worship." The ladies take the time to examine their bits and empower themselves by celebrating what their "yonis" mean to them. As the group opens up to one another, Rhonda reveals that she's a mother and Chloe gains the confidence to confront Kori about his actions.
  • Shocking no one, Kori reveals himself to be the worst kind of geezer when Chloe confronts him about his skeevy ways. He tells her that he doesn't want anything to do with her, but Chloe reminds him that she's no an option for him. It's gratifying to watch Chloe kick this scrub to the curb because his pretty face is not worth stressing over!
  • Rhonda decides to reveal her son's existence to Sharron, but she does it in a really slick way by just slipping the little boy into the conversation. His enthusiastic response pleases her and the two seem closer than ever. I have no idea how David would have handled the news of a child (though he seems like he'd be cool about it too, he's such a nice lad) so maybe that triangle worked out the way it should have. But I'm still low-key a Davonda stan, sorry not sorry about it!
Image Source: Netflix

  • As the end draws near, the couples start solidifying and growing closer. But that also means they keep spending that prize money! David and Lydia spend three grand for a kiss and Franchesca and Harry land in hot water by costing the group another $6,000 with some oral action. By this point, the duo has collectively cost the group over thirty grand.
  • Considering the circumstances, Lana decides that the group will get a chance to win back the money if Harry and Franchesca can spend another night in the private suite without having sex. No one believes they'll be able to make it the whole night, and to be fair, it's not as if they're given any reason to trust them. They're incredibly eager for one another, to a possibly concerning degree. But to everyone's surprise, the two emerge from the suite having had no sexual contact and the pot goes back up to $75,000.
  • The group goes through another emotionally revealing workshop, that only serves to show how much Kori and Madison haven't been showing any growth. (To be honest, I forgot Madison was around half of the time, she doesn't seem to do much.) This leads to them getting the boot from the island, which is brutal considering how close they were to winning a piece of the pie. But as Chloe says, "less people more money!"
  • Harry and Franchesca make some cross-global plans to visit one another as Rhonda introduces Sharron to her son. It feels a little early for it since they've only been dating like, a week, and this is her son. But you know, love follows its own rules and whatnot.
  • In the end, everyone comes out a winner, though I would have gladly watched Franchesca and Harry duel Sharron and Rhonda in a sword fight for the money. It's really sweet to see how everyone has grown emotionally and made connections with one another that aren't just romantic. Of course, this is the part where everyone is making promises that they'll carry these lessons into their real lives. I doubt all of them will completely change their ways, but dear god I really hope they change something because the level of horniness that began in that house is distressing.
  • If this doesn't inspire you to watch the show, I'm not sure what on earth would. Grab some chocolate covered strawberries and press play, you naughty little possums!
Image Source: Netflix

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