Now you know why restrictive diets suck, why they don't work, and why we seem to always "fail" on them, so what can you do? Soto said to embrace food freedom, and one way to do that is through intuitive eating.
Start off slow, do what feels comfortable to you in regards to letting go of rigid food rules, seek out support, and know that gaining weight could be possible. But eventually you'll experience the pleasure of food while not being fixated, overwhelmed, and stressed out by it, and that will feel so amazing!