OK . . . this one is so tough. How do you carry that secret around? You don't. You wait. You take your time. You consider how you want to handle this. Do you want a divorce? Counseling? You make the choice first in your mind . . . and then once you've decided, you reveal your spouse's affair, or not, based on where you see the two of you going. You can pick one person to share with, of course, but if you go back to your spouse, expect some flack. In this case, a friend is probably better to tell than a parent. I just think you need to first decide a general direction of where you're headed . . . and pick one or two people to talk to about this, before or IF ever making a big reveal.