Let your child know that you hear her and understand her emotions by saying something like, "That must have really hurt your feelings" or "I bet you were really sad when they left you out." In addition, talk about some of the reasons that might cause a kid to be mean. For example, you can say things like, "She might be afraid that people won't be friends with her unless she bosses them around" or "Sometimes when people don't feel confident with themselves, they act out to feel better." Show your child that they're not the problem and can rise above the drama.