"I was adopted in 1967 in a closed adoption. My parents had been trying to adopt for years and received a referral to an attorney in Phoenix and received a call soon after about me. They had nothing ready and had just a day to get everything. In a letter my aunt shared with me when I was an adult, my mom wrote, 'We are going into a lot of debt, but I don't care, we'd go in twice as much if I had to.' I was the centre of my mom's life and had a wonderful childhood growing up in Northern Utah. However, I always wondered where I came from. When I was 24, I joined an adoption search support group and with their help I was able to find my biological mother. I found a half brother [and] sister too. I had a wonderful relationship with her until she passed in 2009. Through the years I have also been active in pushing for open birth certificates for adoptees and search and support groups.
I never thought I would also become an adoptive mother, but I met my husband in my late 30s and after two tries with IVF we decided to become foster parents. For those thinking about going through this process, it is very long and sometimes very frustrating. When we finally opened our licence, we got a call the next day. We missed that call but received another the following day for two children ages 1 and 2. Unfortunately, we only had one crib so we turned that placement down. I was worried we wouldn't get another call but the next day we received a call for two little girls ages 3 and 8 months. We decided to go for it.
It was a very rough year while they were still foster children. There were a ton of doctor appointments, therapists, visitation with the parents, the mom going in and out of their lives, and the heartbreak of watching two people who loved their children but could not get it together to regain custody. At one point, custody was approved to the paternal grandmother and we prepared to send them to another state, but then the judge said no, they were staying with us. Then the first termination of rights trial was cancelled because the judge who handles that part was indicted on something and removed from office. The trial was finally held [for the father] 13 months after we received them . . . and the judge terminated his rights. The mother gave them up voluntarily as she had not completed any of her program she was required to do. It was joyful and it was heartbreaking. My daughters were losing their family even though they were gaining a new one. We had final visits with the biological parents and their adoption was finalized three months later. This process tested our family and definitely our marriage like nothing else. Would I do it again? In a heartbeat!"