Now that I've finished three glasses of wine and I'm getting really sick of Amber and Richard's bummer of a plot, I think it's time to discuss how perfect Princess Emily, played by Honour Kneafsey, is.
Since Amber isn't dragging her out into the woods to toboggan anymore, Emily is busy starring in Aldovia's Christmas play about an old folktale. The story follows an ogre who falls in love with a princess who has magical powers, who then . . . does some other stuff and somehow gives Santa his magic in the end? Honestly, I don't know. It's bizarre.
Amber makes Emily her costume for the play, complete with metallic blue sneakers and Emily totally acts like she's excited about Amber's weird obsession with Converse. What a gem.
Sneakers aside, the stage Emily is performing this play on is THE TINIEST STAGE IN THE WORLD. Like, if you lined up all the pairs of maroon Converse Amber owns in a row (I'm assuming about 20 pairs, give or take?) it would be bigger than this sad stage.
But who cares, because Emily is crushing on her costar, a quiet cutie named Tom Quill!
I would 100 percent watch a spinoff about Princess Emily falling in love.
Sadly the workers helping out with the play go on strike because of Richard's initiative, cutting the lights and refusing to work. Emily is heartbroken, and so am I.
*pauses to refill wine glass and shed a tear for poor Emily.
Emily gets all the best lines in the movie, but my favourite might be when she tells Amber that they can't distract her from the cancellation of the play with a snowball fight by saying "I have every right to feel sorry for myself." Carve that on my tombstone.