The Contestants
- Oh, sweet, innocent, naive baby Jamie. What she lacks in composure, she makes up for with really cute ruffled dresses and an impressive ability to forgive quickly.
- Does Brandon have some insane pheromones, or what's the deal?! Why were, like, seven girls pining over him in the first few episodes? I just really need someone to break it down for me. Like, sure, he's buff and generally decent looking, but so far he's been about as charming as my wobbly kitchen table from Ikea.
- Watching Michael Todd attempt to smooth talk Savannah on night one was essentially a full-body workout because every fibre of my being simultaneously cringed for the entirety of their conversation. So honestly, thank you for the exercise, Mike.
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- Trevor seems like the type of guy who ghosts girls and then, upon running into them at a bar months later, pulls the "Whoa, that's so crazy. I guess my texts never went through!" card.
- Sheridan deserves better, y'all. He just needs a big, warm hug, and I would like to provide him with said big, warm hug. The poor guy is so clearly infatuated with Julia, but she's too busy butting into Brandon and Savannah's relationship to notice the long-haired stud she's got right in front of her.
- Actually, on second thought, I'm not done with Julia just yet. The fact that she spent the entire third episode bashing Savannah for being "disingenuous" before proceeding to feign attraction to Sheridan during their onstage performance is just *tsk, tsk.* Is their love triangle giving anyone else flashbacks to the Jessica, Mark, and Barnett situation on Love Is Blind?
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- Rudi has some chaotic energy that I relate to on a deep, personal level. Also, the girl has serious pipes. Whew!
- Yep, I'm gonna need Bri to drop her brow tutorial ASAP.
- Mariana and Ruby, the latecomers who showed up in the second episode, never stood a chance. Don't they know connections form on these shows faster than the speed of light?
- You better believe a handful of these contestants will be walking down those steps at Playa Escondida in Mexico for the next season of Bachelor in Paradise. My money's on Julia, Rudi, Sheridan, Jamie, and, yes, Michael Todd, just for sh*ts and giggles.
- Imagine the producers' delight when they discovered Natascha, a talented singer who just so happened to be friends with another contestant's ex-girlfriend. Consider the pot well-stirred.
- I'm still upset we got no backstory on Gabe from Houston. He had the cutest lil' smile, and I wish he went further.
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