Before you reach out, check in with yourself and be clear about why you're doing so. If you're angry, frustrated, confused, or feeling lost, consider reaching out to someone else. The last thing you want is for someone who's already processing their own grief or trauma to have to stop and console or educate you about it, "especially if they don't fully understand it" either, Lee said.
On the flip side, if you are concerned and want to support your friend, "reach out with that intention," he explained. Think of it as "reaching out with your ears, not your mouth"; you're here to listen and support them, not talk about your own feelings.
Lee recommended this "litmus test" before you reach out: if you get in touch and they don't respond, will you be totally fine with that? If so, go ahead and reach out. If not, "check yourself first. In this current situation, this is about them, not you."