I can't tell you how many military spouse articles or books I've read that say the exact opposite of this. My response? No! If you and your spouse are fighting, talk it out! If one of you is being a jerk, you should call each other out on it! During my husband's first deployment, I did exactly what the books said to do, which was basically to let certain behavior slide since your spouse is under a lot of pressure. Because of this, my husband continued this behavior when he got home because he thought it was the norm, which — spoiler alert — it certainly wasn't. We went to counseling, where, thankfully, he realized he was being a jerk and fixed his behavior. Since then, I always speak up about things, and our communication has never been better.