Rule #2: They Can Only Eat During Designated Snack Times
Up until now, I never offered a snack until one of my kids asked for it. I'd wait for their hunger cues to guide me, which often meant they'd only chirp up once they were bored with playing and when dinner was just 15 minutes from being ready.
"Snacks should be spaced far enough before meals to allow your child to be hungry at the meal," Satter advised in her book. "You want your child to come to the table hungry, so he is interested in eating and so his appetite encourages him to be more adventurous in trying new foods. You don't want him to come to the table starved, so he is either too cranky to eat or so famished that he simply wolfs down his food."
This, of course, is easier said than done. I've got two kids with two different nap schedules and appetites, and "dinner time" is an ever-moving target thanks to rush hour traffic and recipes that aren't as simple as the blog may have alleged.
I can no longer use food as a replacement for proper parenting – I can't just offer a distracting treat in response to sadness, pain, or boredom.
Now, though, I give my kids a sizable snack as soon as they are home from school or up from their nap. If it looks like the wait time for dinner will be particularly long, I'll do my best to offer two well-spaced snacks, and I'll often offer an after-dinner or pre-bedtime snack depending on if they ate their dinner (because if they didn't, and they're hungry later, their snack is right there on their untouched dinner plate!).
I try to announce, "It's almost snack time," before giving them each their options and presenting their food. If they say they're not hungry, the snack is put away. It's not an open buffet they can graze from. This has certainly created some ravenous tantrums when they come begging for scraps just seven minutes after they brushed off their snack time, but it's slowly teaching them food isn't on-demand anymore.
Moreover, it's also teaching me I can no longer use food as a replacement for proper parenting – that I can't just offer a distracting treat in response to sadness, pain, or boredom. As Satter said, "If you give a child a cookie, or even carrots, to amuse or divert or calm him, he will soon learn that strong feelings are not to be tolerated or dealt with, and that eating can be used as a panacea."