Coping With Mother's Loss Through Beauty Essay
I Followed My Mom's Beauty Routine to Cope With Losing Her, and Here's What I Learned
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My mother and I were, admittedly, never that close. I attribute our relationship to how she took up the graveyard shift at her job, making it only possible to see her on the weekends and for a short two-hour period on weekdays. I don't blame her, of course, because when she brought our family to the States from the Philippines when I was young, she promised to build us the best life possible, and this was her way of doing so.
That's why losing her at 18 years old was so devastating. We were just really getting to know one another. That's also why beauty plays such a huge role in my life: those two hours we'd spend together each weekday was the time we'd go through her skin, makeup, and hair routine together.
My mom was beautiful. She stood at 5'2", had seemingly blemish-free skin, and wore a glossy bob as her signature hairstyle. At 6:30 p.m. each night, I'd plug in her hot tools and lay out her products as she showered. At 7 p.m., after giving me the lowdown on how to finish off the dinner she had started cooking for the family, I'd help her style her hair and we'd talk beauty.
As a teenager who would rather be just about anywhere else than doing chores with her mother, I would give her bouts of sassiness. Now, as a young adult who has navigated the beauty landscape on her own, I'm nothing but grateful. As I miss her more toward the holiday season, I've attempted to revisit those moments through some of her best beauty tips to learn more about myself, our culture, and who I've become without her. Read on to learn more.
Know Your Hair Texture
I have long, thick, medium-coarse waves that I inherited from the women in my family. I hated it at first, and constantly tried to straighten it to look like my mother's glass-like bob, which she achieved through chemical straightening. One day, I asked her if I could also get the same treatment, and she immediately said no. "This will ruin your long, thick, waves," she said, before assuring me that sleek hair wasn't the only look that was beautiful. "You have to find the products that work for your hair texture," she said.
Instead, she taught me how to shop for more emollient products that would define every kink and wave in my hair. To this day, when I get a bottle of Nexxus Humectress Ultimate Moisture Conditioner ($20), I think of her. With its hyperclean scent and buttery feel, it was what she considered the crème de la creme for our hair. She also loved Rusk hair oils, which she hated sharing. I would steal it constantly for how shiny it would make my hair, and fill the bottle up with water in hopes she wouldn't notice. (I was 13, okay?!)
Always Remove Your Makeup Before Bed
Perhaps my mother wouldn't approve of my late-night antics, but she would definitely approve of my evening skincare routine. She always reminded me to remove my makeup thoroughly before bed.
She looked to Pond's Cold Cream for everything from moisturising her face, neck, elbows, and hands (yes, she did that) to removing her makeup. I'd follow suit, despite how much the cream would burn my eyes when I tried to use it to remove pesky eyeliner. Today, Ponds actually created the Pond's Cold Cream Make-up Remover Deep Cleanser ($5) — made with 50 percent moisturiser — that I love using to sweep off my makeup.
Exfoliate Regularly
My mother's skincare routine also cycled in something called Likas Papaya Skin Lightening Soap — an orange soap marketed toward those who wanted lighter skin — and astringents. Her drive to maintain her alabaster skin had to do with the beauty standards that she was exposed to in our culture. Although I don't actively try to make myself look lighter, I do recognise the benefits of exfoliating. It leaves my skin looking radiant and healthy. I am careful to not overdo it.
I use a mix of gentle chemical exfoliators and lightly scrub my body with exfoliating mitts (like these Korean Exfoliating Bath Washcloth ($4)) the way my mother did.
Be Diligent With SPF
My mother would go through bottles of the Neutrogena Ultra Sheer Dry-Touch Sunscreen Lotion ($9), which, by the way, had an SPF of 100. She touted it as the secret to warding off fine lines and spots.
She did, however, also emphasise that even though the sunscreen lotion did have a high SPF, I shouldn't be fooled. Sun protection is only truly efficacious with diligent reapplication.
