Popsugar Love & Sex Divorce Marriage Advice From Divorced People 30 Things Divorced People Think You Should Know About Marriage 15 June 2018 by Laura Lifshitz Image Source: StockSnap / Nathan Fertig Just because someone is divorced doesn't mean he or she didn't walk away from a failed marriage without learning some valuable lessons on marriage. Quite the opposite, actually. It's in failure that we often garner our most strength and wisdom. Like Janet Fitch says, "The phoenix must burn to emerge." Divorced people have "burned" and emerged, and most often for the best. We know better — we want better. We understand marriage in an intimate yet difficult way. Some of us wish we did things differently — some of us wish we had married a better fit. No matter what the tale, you can learn a lot about the value and delicacies of marriage from someone who loved and lost. 1 Your marriage is not as good as your vows. It's what you put into it each day. Image Source: StockSnap / Ivan Cabañas 1 / 30 2 The roots of your love need to run deep from the start. If the love is attraction or surface-based, the love will die. Image Source: StockSnap / Mikkel Schmidt 2 / 30 3 Some parts of your marriage will be frustrating, but love enough to be patient to ride out the lows and receive the highs. Image Source: StockSnap / Mikkel Schmidt 3 / 30 4 The grass is not always greener. Even if it looks more lush, you don't know the quality of the soil. Image Source: StockSnap / Wu Yi 4 / 30 5 Tend to the garden of your marriage, lest it get overrun by weeds. Image Source: StockSnap / Wu Yi 5 / 30 6 It's more than the ring. Can you imagine growing old or being sick with this person? Image Source: StockSnap / Thorn Yang 6 / 30 7 It's best to cool off alone before throwing down harsh words in a fight. Image Source: StockSnap / Thorn Yang 7 / 30 8 Both of you need to take turns steering the wheel. Image Source: StockSnap / Clem Onojeghuo 8 / 30 9 If your partner backs away and avoids talking, you may have to wait for them to come back around. Patiently. Image Source: StockSnap / Clem Onojeghuo 9 / 30 10 Marriage is not always exciting. Finding the joy in the day-to-day will serve your marriage well. Image Source: StockSnap / Clem Onojeghuo 10 / 30 11 A good marriage means getting your hands dirty. Participating each day. Not expecting perfection. Image Source: StockSnap / Jeremy Bishop 11 / 30 12 We are all under construction as works in progress. Accept your partner as long as he or she is working on it. Image Source: StockSnap / Jeremy Bishop 12 / 30 13 Intimacy is the one thing that separates your marriage from your other relationships. Nurture it. Image Source: StockSnap / João Silas 13 / 30 14 A good marriage requires two people who are both still learning about life and each other. Image Source: StockSnap / João Silas 14 / 30 15 Sometimes, marriage requires you to bend down and tie your partner's shoes when he or she just can't do it. Image Source: StockSnap / João Silas 15 / 30 16 Expect there to be some serious storms in your marriage. You might question your love for your partner and feel alone at times. Image Source: StockSnap / Josh Sorenson 16 / 30 17 But good marriages have two partners who work through tough times and see the light of a brand-new, better day. Image Source: StockSnap / Josh Sorenson 17 / 30 18 A good partnership is simple, really. It just feels easy — most of the time. Image Source: StockSnap / Clem Onojeghuo 18 / 30 19 If your partner feels like he or she has an eye, hold, or lock on you, it's not love. It's toxic control. Image Source: StockSnap / Chris Anderson 19 / 30 20 Love is letting the other party rest sometimes and be lazy. We can't be our best selves 24/7. Image Source: StockSnap / Clem Onojeghuo 20 / 30 21 And the simple little gestures you do or DON'T do each day add up . . . or subtract. Image Source: StockSnap / Roman Kraft 21 / 30 22 Doing those little gestures can lead to great changes for the good in a marriage. Image Source: StockSnap / Roman Kraft 22 / 30 23 Creating lots of joy, love, and more time to connect and "deposit" in each other's love accounts is important. Image Source: StockSnap / Roman Kraft 23 / 30 24 Don't be surprised if you two have issues that can feel as if they're taking a long time to get over. Image Source: StockSnap / Roman Kraft 24 / 30 25 In marriage, as in life, slow and steady wins the race rather than rushed and hasty. Image Source: StockSnap / Isabella Jusková 25 / 30 26 There will be small, tiny moments in your marriage that will feel like heaven. Enjoy that paradise. Image Source: StockSnap / Isabella Jusková 26 / 30 27 Savor it. Image Source: StockSnap / Nathan Fertig 27 / 30 28 And let both of you enjoy the fruits of your life. Each of you deserves many bites of happiness. Image Source: StockSnap / Andy Chilton 28 / 30 29 Never let anyone else in your intimate emotional space. Those little "affairs" do so much damage to a marriage. Image Source: StockSnap / Brooke Cagle 29 / 30 30 Decide each day to be true to yourself and your partner. Your word and deeds are all your partner has to go on. Image Source: StockSnap / Brooke Cagle 30 / 30 DivorceAdviceMarriageRelationships