An Ode To The Nightclub Bathrooms
This International Women's Day, an Ode to the Nightclub Bathroom
It's August 2022, the world is just starting to feel normal again after the pandemic. I'm in Liverpool Street's All Bar One with my cousin to celebrate her birthday. After getting a frustrating text message, I head to the bathroom feeling a bit flustered. As soon as I walk through the door, a girl with black braids and a very warm smile compliments my outfit. That night, I was wearing a cobalt blue fluffy mini skirt from ASOS that I had just bought. After the pandemic, my body had slightly changed, so a compliment on my outfit at that time meant more than she could have known in that second. Instantly, with the magic of the bathroom doing its work, I started explaining the messy situation I was going through with someone I was briefly romantically linked with. It's just so common to instantly trust someone in these spaces — of course I blurted out my whole situation to a random stranger.
This secluded environment encourages openness and trust, creating a safe space where women feel comfortable interacting and supporting one another.
As women, opening up like this in club toilets is a universal experience. The journey to get there is often chaotic. We usually find ourselves linking arms with friends - shoving past big groups just to get through. As we attempt to manoeuvre through the sweaty crowds, we often have to dodge past unwanted advances from men or practically sprint in our six-inch heels to keep up with the leader of the line. When we finally reach the bathroom door, we usually breathe a sigh of relief.
The girls' bathroom is more than just a place to have a wee - they are a sanctuary of unexpected joy, shared validation, and sometimes a much-needed escape that provides safety in numbers. There is often this unspoken feeling of solidarity that manifests itself where we relate to each other within these small spaces. We exchange a flurry of compliments, share beauty products, converse with empowering "you don't need them" pep-talks and share a momentary sisterhood.
Ahead of International Women's Day, bathroom supplier Croydex conducted a study exploring positive experiences in women's bathrooms and the impact these experiences have on the rest of the day or night. The study was carried out on 100 women, aged 18-60, and revealed that 95 percent of women had positive experiences and felt kindness or friendship from another woman in a public bathroom.
So, what is it about women's bathrooms that create such a shift in our personalities? Elle Mace, Positive Psychology Coach, tells POPSUGAR UK, "Women tend to exhibit greater warmth and friendliness towards each other in the girls' bathroom due to several factors rooted in social and psychological dynamics. Firstly, the bathroom setting, being relatively private and intimate, fosters a sense of camaraderie and solidarity among women."
Mace continues: "This secluded environment encourages openness and trust, creating a safe space where women feel comfortable interacting and supporting one another. There's an 'us against the world' sort of vibe, together we are stronger and we have all experienced similar struggles and experiences which deep down we all have compassion for."
68 percent of the women surveyed said that they think women are nicer to each other in the bathroom as opposed to anywhere else and nearly all of the women said they would prefer it if women exhibited this type of behaviour in everyday life.
Let's be honest, as a woman, our experiences within these nightlife spaces are different due to desirability politics. At bars, clubs, festivals , and gigs harassment in many different forms is a common occurrence. This is often characterised by unwanted attention and the perpetrators rarely get pulled up on it. In fact, a YouGov Poll of 2,013 adults aged between 18 and 24 who drink in bars, clubs or pubs also found nearly two-thirds (63 percent) of women were on the receiving end of harassment. So, these bathroom walls really do often provide a safe haven.
However, sometimes these stall exchanges aren't so fleeting, and the bonds can last beyond that one drunken night in the club bathroom. In fact, nearly 34 percent of women surveyed said that many of the bonds they formed in a quick trip to the loo were so strong that they exchanged numbers or social media details and vowed to stay in contact.
@michelleniyah I just love being a girl! 🫶🏾💁🏽♀️💕✨ THE GIRLS WERE GIRLINGGGG!!! #dallastx #grwm #grwmroutine #grwmmakeup #beautyinfluencer #dallasinfluencer #girlsbathroom #girlsbathroomchronicles #girlsnight #girlpower #dallaswomen #gno
♬ Let's Go - Key Glock
I don't use Snapchat as much now, but thinking about my life in nightclub bathrooms for this piece, I revived the app on my phone. After scrolling through my friends list, I noticed that a lot of my 'friends' on the social messaging app are women I met briefly at a university party. Despite only meeting once, there was always this shared consensus between us where we refused to delete the other.
In fact in the study, 84 percent of women have exchanged compliments on outfits and engaged in supportive conversations in the bathroom. Whilst many of these friendships are forgotten, there is one core friendship I made in the nightclub bathroom that has continued - from afar - and has still withstood the test of time, the girl from August 2022 and that All Bar One bathroom.
At the time, we spoke for a good while and even exchanged Instagram profiles. Last week working on this piece, I reached out to Toyah through the same app we first exchanged details on, to reminisce on that night. "I remember that night too - I was only down in London visiting for the weekend but we got on straight away," Toyah says at the start of our back-and-forth voice note conversation. She's a teacher based in Manchester and when we met in that All Bar One bathroom she told me she was in London visiting friends and her long distance boyfriend.
"I remember you were so upset about some guy. I really hope he's out of the picture now? Because from what you told me - he was not it," she says. After I assured her it was over with that person, we then went back and forth about what her life looks like now and all the great advice she gave me two years ago. At the time she was in a three-year relationship - which she informs me is now over. "Yeah, that didn't end well - maybe don't listen to my advice after all," she says through laughter.
Even though we just met that night, and haven't seen each other in person since, we still keep up with each other's lives here and there. From liking each other's Instagram posts, DMing a quick happy birthday or sending a quick "Congrats girl" message when we each make a big life move. Toyah tells me,"It's funny because sometimes your content will pop up on my feed or I'll see you doing something great and I feel happy for you. It's like we're not friends but there was a nice bond that was created on that night - and I'm proud of you. I hope that's not weird?" "No" I say in the following voice note. "I feel the same way about you. I saw your post about buying your own flat - I'm proud of you too!"
As women, our experiences within these nightlife spaces are different due to desirability politics.
It's clear that in that moment we both openly trusted a stranger with personal information, and this is common for women in the bathroom. Those four walls create feelings of safety and therefore I felt like I could trust her. Also, in those fleeting moments you don't always think you'll meet that person again, so there is that aspect of safety in anonymity. Interestingly, 68 percent of the women surveyed in the Croydex study also said that they think women are nicer to each other in the bathroom as opposed to anywhere else and nearly all of the women questioned said they would prefer it if women exhibited this type of behaviour in everyday life.
Mace explains, "The bathroom may represent a temporary escape from external stressors and pressures for women. In this secluded environment, they can momentarily let their guard down and focus on self-care and positive interactions with others. The sense of privacy offered by the bathroom allows women to relax and recharge, promoting mental well-being and emotional resilience."
The toilets can foster the most weird and unlikely friendships - and there is always something I take away from a quick trip there. Whether it's a compliment, creating that safe space for a moment or simply giving up a tampon - it's always worth the often chaotic journey to get to the door.
Aaliyah Harry(she/her) is the associate editor at POPSUGAR UK. She writes extensively across lifestyle, culture and beauty. Aaliyah also has a deep passion for telling stories and giving voice to the voiceless. Previously, she has contributed to Refinery29, Grazia UK and The Voice Newspaper.
