Breeding Kink: What It's Like to Have One as a Cis Woman
The Dilemma of Having a Breeding Kink When You Don't Want to Get Pregnant
I was at a party when I disclosed my "pregnancy fetish" — a phrase coined by my most recent partner — to a friend. In short, the idea of my partner impregnating me (read: ejaculating inside me) during sex was, to put it politely, exceptionally exciting.
"That's a breeding kink," replied my friend — a term I'd never heard. A quick Google search led me to the "impregnation fetishism" Wikipedia page, and for the first time, I could put a name to a sexual desire I'd experienced, but struggled to describe, for years.
What Is a Breeding Kink?
Simply put by therapist Emily May, LMFT, "the breeding kink is when someone fantasizes or gets turned on by the risk of becoming pregnant or getting someone pregnant." You may have heard about it on TikTok — search for #breedingkink, and you'll find jokey clips of it being "taken too far."
"I like the idea of getting pregnant, but I don't want to be pregnant."
The kink is often hard to explain because it's inherently irrational. "I like the idea of getting pregnant, but I don't want to be pregnant," I tell my friends as I'm met with perplexity. I'm 24 right now, and I don't want to have kids until I'm at least 30.
Melissa Cook, PhD, a relationship expert and sex therapist, confirms the kink's contradictory nature. "The allure of the breeding kink can be attributed to various factors that don't involve getting pregnant or having a baby," she says. "Sexual kinks commonly have a distinction between fantasy and reality, which allows people to explore scenarios and emotions that they might not wish to experience in real life."
Annabelle Knight, a sex and relationships expert, echoes this: "While some people may enjoy the mere idea of impregnation in sexual play, they may not desire pregnancy or parenthood. This is very commonly the case with many sexual fantasies."
Knight adds it's possible that there are more people that have "some form of breeding kink" and don't even realise it. "For example, anyone that enjoys the risk of unprotected sex, or asks their partner to finish inside of them, could be [experiencing] a breeding kink," she says.
My Experience as a Cis, Straight Woman With a Breeding Kink
My own fetish first reared itself when I was 18, when I asked my partner to ejaculate inside me. He seemed mortified by the thought of impregnating me, either accidentally or on purpose — so he declined my request. Despite the fact that I was on the pill, we were incredibly cautious, using condoms most of the time and the infamous "pull-out method" always.
I had a few sexual encounters as a single person after that, but I didn't experience the fetish again until I started seeing my most recent partner. From the beginning, we had undeniable chemistry and, better yet, a romantic connection. I realised then that I might have to be emotionally invested for the kink to kick in.
"The breeding kink may be rooted in the biological instinct to reproduce for others, the power dynamic, or the deep intimacy and connection felt during the act," May explains. For me, the latter reason seemed the most likely.
The impregnation fetish also doesn't correspond with one sexual orientation or gender identity over another. "There's no research to say the breeding kink is more common in those who can get pregnant, and people of all genders can enjoy the fantasy regardless of biological ability," May says. "It's not only opposite-sex couples that engage in the kink."
"My breeding kink never posed a threat in terms of having an unwanted pregnancy — that is, until last spring."
That said, I'm a heterosexual cisgender woman who's only ever sexually engaged with heterosexual cisgender men. I've been on some form of hormonal birth control since I was 14, so my breeding kink never posed a threat in terms of having an unwanted pregnancy — that is, until last spring, when I had my IUD removed. For the first time, my partner and I weren't using any protection, and my fetish only intensified. We had unprotected sex a few times, getting caught up in the kink and acknowledging the risks only afterward. I ended up taking Plan B twice within a four-week period.
But access to the morning-after pill isn't always a given, and as conservatives continue to attack reproductive rights, it's becoming less and less so. I was fortunately living in the UK at the time, where emergency contraception and safe abortions are widely accessible.
Not everyone can be so lucky. "Living in places where reproductive rights aren't assured can have a big impact on those engageing in the breeding kink," Dr. Cook explains. "This situation can lead to feelings of guilt, anxiety, and fear, all detracting from the pleasure of the fantasy."
According to Knight, a breeding kink "does come with the inherent risk of getting pregnant due to the nature of it often involving unprotected sex." I don't want to have children anytime soon, but I don't want to have an abortion as a result of my own recklessness, either — though I would choose to terminate an unplanned pregnancy. My breeding kink could literally derail my life, if I were to let it. Besides the strain of carrying a baby, there are medical bills and other expenses associated with pregnancy and childbirth — not to mention the costs, both financial and otherwise, of contraceptives in the first place.
As a woman in her mid-20s, I'm also hyper-aware that my child-rearing years won't last forever. I have friends who are pregnant or already have children; I have other friends who don't want kids at all. Being on birth control should be a personal choice, and if I didn't have this kink, I'd happily opt out of hormonal contraception.
I'm constantly reminded that as someone with a functional reproductive system, there are always larger considerations when it comes to sex. That's why it's so essential to have these conversations and provide adequate sex education (beyond bare-minimum anatomy lessons).
While I may choose to have children one day, for now, I'd like to keep fantasy and reality separate.
