16 Surprising Things That'll Happen During Your Hospital Birth

"Is it hot in here?" That was my most-asked question postbirth. I figured I'd be sweaty immediately after the most intense workout of my life, but I didn't realise I'd be swamped with night sweats for days. Turns out, your body's hormones are normalizing, and it's how you get rid of all that retained water. Don't be shy about asking the nurses to change your bed linens frequently.

I was breastfeeding when it hit me. An all-too-familiar pain shooting through my body. In some cruel joke, it turned out to be a postbirth contraction, which helps your uterus shrink back down to its prepregnancy size. And as sadistic as it seems, it's entirely normal.

Going in, my husband and I agreed that he wouldn't peek. But we didn't realise that with him by my side during delivery, he'd be pretty close to the action. And like a car crash, it's hard to look away.

When I was in labor, I wasn't the only one needing medical attention. My husband blames a hospital cafeteria sandwich on the nausea that sent him racing to the bathroom during my very first push. My mom got a rush of eleventh-hour light-headedness, which led to a nurse rushing to get her a chair and some orange juice.

Encourage your family to speak up if they're feeling sick. Better to have a professional intervene before they throw up or pass out. You can blame them later for trying to steal your thunder.

The movies have you believe babies cry the instant they're born, but it sometimes takes up to a minute, which feels like an hour to a very expectant new mom.

I received a three-inch-thick packet of documents from the hospital that I still plan to get around to reading. The truth is, if you're worried you've forgotten something, the important stuff bubbles back up.

It's funny how the idea of having a human with hair and fingernails inside of me wasn't disturbing, but even touching my postpartum stomach elicited a gag reflex. What was once a tight, purposeful baby bump now felt like a big ball of bread dough. Whether or not you're squeamish about all that loose skin, be prepared to leave the hospital still looking like you're several months along.

No matter how you felt the day before, you might not want a revolving door of cousins, co-workers, and neighbours when you are exhausted . . . and sweating . . . and having postbirth contractions. Consider telling your loved ones they can visit your family at home, once you're released from the cramped confines of a hospital room.

Another reason to forgo visitors! You'll be getting plenty of visits from nurses, from pediatric doctors, from your OB, from techs turning on lights in the middle of the night to check your vitals. You'll get visits from the cleaning team to change your linens and from the cafeteria staff to pick up empty plates. In fact, just as I was about to finally slip into a nap one afternoon, the hospital's hospitality manager knocked on my door to ask if I'd had a nice stay.

If you spent even five minutes deliberating over which onesie your little bundle of joy leaves the hospital wearing, you've wasted five minutes. Same goes for your outfit. Yoga pants are yoga pants, and the moment you get home, you're all going to want to change into fresh duds anyway.

One of the perks of childbirth is all the freebies! Disposable underpants might not be the swag you had in mind, but make a point to fill your bags with everything from diapers to swaddling cloths to ice packs to tubs of witch hazel cream.

Don't feel even remotely gluttonous because, trust me, you'll soon get a bill that'll make you wish you took a whole lot more.