How My Conservative Childhood Made Me a Feminist
I Was Taught Feminism Was Wrong. Here’s How I’m Reclaiming It as an Adult
Growing up in a Mormon community was an idyllic way to spend a childhood in many ways. I felt very safe and loved by my family, and was taught the importance of kindness and service, among many other values that I still hold dear to this day. However, I also knew there was something different about me from a very young age, and it had to do with my role as a girl.
From the time I was very young, I can remember feeling deep discontent with the patriarchal power structures, and how everyone around me just accepted it. In the Mormon church, men hold all authority through what is called the priesthood. Women can hold some auxiliary positions in the church, but they are often in charge of other women or children, or act as a supportive role to male authority. Instead, we are taught that their most important roles in life are being a wife and mother, and that our salvation depends on being married to a worthy man who holds the priesthood.
I remember desperately searching my scriptures and church materials as a young girl for stories about women, but they seemed to be very scarce and uninspiring. Once I reached puberty, there was a lot of emphasis placed on virtue and modesty in my Sunday school classes. It always felt to me like boys could grow up and be anything they wanted to be, and girls needed to prepare for marriage.
In school I was taught about the women's suffrage movement, and learned about women such as Susan B. Anthony, Elizabeth Cady Stanton and Lucy Stone. These women weren't afraid to use their voices to bring about change, and they inspired me. I recognised a refusal to accept and adhere to the status quo, which was something that I was trying to reconcile within myself.
I recognised a refusal to accept and adhere to the status quo, which was something that I was trying to reconcile within myself.
I remember feeling surprised to learn that not all women were onboard during the women's suffrage movement. They reasoned that it was a responsibility that they didn't need or even desire. This struck me because it is the same argument that many women in my church would make concerning the priesthood. This never sat well with me, but strong women who questioned authority were never rewarded in the religion and culture I grew up in, so I mostly kept my opinions to myself and tried to be a "good" Mormon girl.
Feminism didn't feel like a safe topic to explore, because when I heard it referenced, it was spoken of with disdain. Feminists were labeled as threats to the traditional family. They were angry, bra-burning, man-haters with social agendas that were dangerous.
As I entered the teenage years, I began to do my own research, and came to realise that feminism simply meant the advocacy of women's rights on the basis of the equality of the sexes, and I didn't see anything wrong or evil about that. I began to notice how difficult the Mormon religion could be for those who didn't "fit the mold" due to their sexuality or gender expression. The faith could also be very difficult for women who didn't marry, or who didn't — or couldn't — have children.
Feminism simply offered options that my church didn't value. When I explored feminism, I was relieved to learn that I no longer had to adhere to impossible beauty standards, my worth as a human being was not determined by my ability to get a husband, and I didn't have to accept power structures at face value simply because, "That's the way God wants it."
Now, as an adult, I have grown into the woman I believe I was always destined to become.
Now, as an adult, I have grown into the woman I believe I was always destined to become. Leaving a high demand religion is a process, and I spent many years deconstructing my belief system and the indoctrination that came along with it. When I finally left the Mormon church, I found that my politics changed as I was free to fully embrace feminism and spirituality rather than dogma.
However, I have still have a hard time identifying as feminist at times because I know it can be a loaded term for many and that it is something that I am not perfect at. I know that I need to acknowledge my privilege as a white middle-class woman straight woman, and own the fact that I still have much to learn and improve upon.
My conservative upbringing may have helped pushed me towards feminism, but I have since released all guilt from deviating from the expectations that others placed upon me about womanhood. What I have come to know is that the feminism I was warned about throughout my upbringing isn't really what feminism is about at all. And now that I'm married to a wonderful man and have three sons, I am determined to teach my children to fully value and respect women as well as people of all gender expressions.
