Online Tarot Card Readings Helped Me Heal From a Breakup

I sat at my desk and stared at my lengthy to-do list. I couldn't even start a task, much less finish one. I was consumed by the pain and confusion that only a fresh and painful heartbreak can create. Nothing made sense. We were so good together, we were soulmates, we never once argued, not once. I swear he completed me.

And now, he was gone. There was another woman (or two or three). He didn't deny it when I found her bra in his bedroom. And just like that, we ended. My heart was broken. But life doesn't stop for heartbreak. I still had to parent through the pain, show up at work, and appear to be just fine when I was anything but. I went through the motions, but my mind was trying to make sense of it all, to discover the answers he didn't give me, to predict the future — Would we get back together? Was he thinking of me? Did he love me despite his lack of loyalty? Were my feelings real or was I fooling myself all along? I needed answers to these questions, and I needed them now.

I had always been a lover of astrology and often consulted my horoscope for daily insight. I had also dabbled in live tarot card readings, mostly as entertainment. So when I somehow stumbled across a whole new world of tarot card readers and love psychics on Etsy, I knew I had to try it out. There were so many to choose from, and all the answers were just a click — and about $13 — away.

I researched the different offerings on Etsy, as each psychic/tarot card reader supplied something a little different. "Was he your soulmate?" was the theme of one reading. "Will he come back to you?" the theme of another. There were options to simply pose one question for $13 or a list of five questions for $40. Some promised you would get your reading via email in an hour or less and others would send you a live video reading in three days.

After exploring my options, I knew the one-hour return time was for me because I am all about instant gratification. Plus, I wanted to ask my own question. I purchased my tarot card reading after finding the reader with the best reviews, and I sent my question along with $13.

Is he still he thinking of me?

That's it. That was the question I wanted answered more than anything. Looking back at it now, it feels stupid. Of course, he was. We had been together over a year. But something in my soul needed to hear it from someone else.

I was full of anticipatory excitement for the next hour because I knew I would get some answers. I hoped for validation, relief, answers that would solve the mysteries at hand. And the cards didn't disappoint. When I got my email reading, I felt a lot less alone. I felt like the reader behind the cards was a long-lost, non-judgmental, loving friend, and the cards told me just what I wanted to hear: Not only was he still thinking of me, but he loved me, and I loved him. We had a soulmate connection, but the timing wasn't right. The best thing I could do now was take care of myself and love him from a distance. One day, he may come back. Or he may not. But it didn't matter because what we had was special and meaningful and it changed me. Celebrate that, my tarot card reader told me.

And I did. I breathed a sigh of relief. I knew our love was real. For a moment, I let go — of the need to control the future, of my attempts to read his mind. I stopped focusing on the pain and the future and celebrated what was instead. This feeling of peace and acceptance lasted for a day or so.

Quickly I found myself needing answers again. Would he ever contact me again? I needed to know. I remembered there was a tarot reader on Etsy who would answer my very specific question: When will your ex text you? So, to Etsy I went.

Order.

Pay.

Submit.

Wait.

Message Received!

The cards told me he would text me again! But not for a few months. Be patient, they said. Work on yourself, Suzanne. In the meantime, give him the space he needs. Again, I breathed a sigh of relief. I felt comforted. I felt less alone and was able to let go, even if only for a few hours.

Soon enough, I was consulting a variety of Etsy Tarot readers several times a week. Whenever life left me feeling helpless, a quick tarot card reading made me feel calm and oddly in-control. Waiting to hear back after a job interview? Let me ask the cards. Worried about my kids? A quick click on Etsy and the answers were soon delivered. What started as a temporary crutch to help me through my heartbreak quickly became a regular and expensive habit.

And the more I did it, the less helpful I found the cards. After consulting the cards many times a week for a few months, the readings became predictable and less helpful. I would read my tarot card emails and realised each reading felt somewhat contrived. They were all similar and suggested I live in the moment. Let go. Treat people and myself with kindness and love, and that whatever it was I wanted to happen in the future just might. But then again, maybe it wouldn't.

I started feeling guilty about my dirty little habit and realised it was time to call it quits altogether. So I did. And now when I find myself desperate for answers ASAP, as I often do, I remember what the cards told me before, and I do my best to stay present. I recognise that my desire to have all the answers isn't healthy. I tell myself that not knowing is part of life, and an important one at that. Not knowing helps us grow. It requires vulnerability and strength. It prompts us to rely on others and say "I need help," and it teaches us so many valuable lessons.

The cards taught me that I only have so much control over my life, and that no amount of over-thinking will change that. They taught me that I can't always plan and think and organise for the future, and that doing so sometimes interferes with fate, or faith, or whatever the universe has in store for us. I'm learning to embrace the uncertainty of my future and trust that no matter what, I will be OK. So for now, there'll be no more cards for this Gemini.