Someone Wrote a Fake Script For an Episode of Queer Eye, and I'm Dying to Read More

I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of Queer Eye and then asked it to write an episode of Queer Eye of its own. Here is the first page. pic.twitter.com/KMidENzJS8

— Keaton Patti (@KeatonPatti) July 29, 2019

Season four of Queer Eye officially dropped on Netflix earlier this month, and just in case you've already marathoned through all eight episodes, I'd like to direct your attention to a fake script for the show that might just be the funniest thing I've read all day. The script was shared to Twitter on Monday by comedian Keaton Patti. "I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of Queer Eye and then asked it to write an episode of Queer Eye of its own," Patti tweeted. "Here is the first page." Just a little disclaimer, Patti didn't actually make a bot write the fake script. The script is one of many parodies he's written and posted to his Instagram account, @bot_scripts. Bot or not, the script is a pretty side-splitting read.

There are A LOT of bizarre things happening in the fake episode. Between Jonathan Van Ness firing a shampoo ray, Karamo Brown being nicknamed "culture daddy," and the Fab Five's subject being a man named Grilly who lives in a giant bottle of Mountain Dew with his partner, Arby's, it's honestly difficult for me to pick out the best part. I'm not saying that I would totally watch this if it were a real episode, but I'm also not saying I wouldn't. Read the full script above, and let's all hope that Antoni Porowski officially changes his title to "groceries professor" ahead of the next season.