Has Reading Smut Books Ruined My Sex Life?
Spoiler alert: This post contains references to the "A Court of Thorns and Roses" series by Sarah J. Maas.
It's just past 8am on a Wednesday morning and I've nabbed the last seat on the tube (a sign of a great day). Without wasting a second, I reach for my 'Slut For Smut' Kindle case and eagerly tap the on button, desperate to pick up where I left off — Feyre and Rhysand are naked and covered in paint.
Now, the "A Court of Thorns and Roses" series by Sarah J. Maas isn't my first venture into the world of steamy-romance books (it's not like I've been living under the mountain for fifty years) and to be honest, the spicy scenes are some of the tamest I've read. But there was something about the mix of a fierce heroine, sensitive wings, and some seriously good dirty talk which had me well and truly glamoured.
I've been reading so-called smut books for years, I'm even in a Facebook group called "The Smuthood" where fans swap recommendations. On the surface, I reach for an erotic book when I'm looking for something quick and easy to read. They bulk up my Goodreads stats and they don't require much commitment.
But there's another side to these books. When I reached the scene in "A Court of Silver Flames" where Cassian asks Nesta, "Do you like seeing me kneel before you?", I immediately dropped my Kindle, grabbed my boyfriend, and jumped into bed for a mid-afternoon quickie. This sparked a thought I haven't been able to let go of since — does reading smut books impact my sex life? And if so, is that actually a good thing?
Smut Books Meaning
According to the Oxford Languages, smut is defined as "obscene or lascivious talk, writing, or pictures" but in more recent times, it's used to refer to a genre of book which usually includes explicit sex scenes. Bookworms on TikTok have developed a "spice rating" with 5 chilli emojis ranking at the filthier end of the spectrum.
Personally, I think of smut as the book equivalent to porn. If it exists on PornHub, it probably has a written counterpart. Anything you're into, whether it's cowboy or athletes, billionaires to serial killers (yep, check out "Butcher & Blackbird" by Brynne Weaver), it's probably been covered.
As well as literally hundreds of genres, most stories follow the same rough outline. Two characters usually find themselves in a predicament which forces them together. Some of my personal favourite tropes include age gaps, enemies to lovers, forbidden love, forced proximity, fake dating scenarios . . . I could go on.
Things I Like About Reading Smut Books
Clearly, reading a steamy scene has a positive effect on my sex drive. As a straight woman with a pretty average libido, it makes sense that reading about two people who are deeply connected, attractive, and respectful would elicit a natural increase in my own desire. "He growled his approval at my moan, my taste, and unleashed himself on me entirely." Come on, the words are practically an aphrodisiac.
One of my favourite things about reading explicit romance is the ability to explore all of my desires without any shame or embarrassment. As well as some common kinks, it allows me to fantasise about things that I'm never going to experience in reality. Want to sleep with a millionaire racing driver? Try "Throttled" by Lauren Asher. Hook up with a hockey player? Try "Collide" by Bal Khabra. Or maybe you've wondered what it'd be like to spend a long, harsh winter stuck in a remote cabin with your horny non-blood-related uncle and his two sons? I'd recommend "Credence" by Penelope Douglas. No, seriously, I strongly recommend that one.
I've found that reading these books gives me more confidence in real life and I'm not the only one. "If you can see yourself in romance books, getting the guy/girl, having fun and the character has your illness or disability then it boosts your own confidence," my friend shared. "Especially with books in recent years being more inclusive," she adds, recommending "Out on a Limb" by Hannah Bonam-Young, or the Brown Sisters trilogy by Talia Hibbert.
Another positive of getting my kicks from pages instead of video porn is that it's completely harmless for everyone involved. There's no potential embarrassment of someone finding PornHub in my search history and there's no risk of exploitation in the making of it. It's comforting to know that what I'm reading was written by someone else who also just wanted to explore their own desires.
Oh and it's recently been proven that reading a book for just a few minutes a day improves your mental wellbeing by 20 per cent, so surely reading romance must be super healthy for your mind and all that.
Things I Dislike About Reading Smut Books
Most of the smut I read is written by a woman for women and, well, you can tell. It's pretty obvious when the female character has reached climax multiple times before the guy has even taken his shirt off. Oh, and don't even get me started on the perfectly-timed joint orgasm? Let's be real. So, is my addiction to smut just setting me up for disappointment?
The magic of smut is the deep, romantic and usually over the top connection between the two main characters. I've just discovered something called the "omegaverse", a subgenre of erotic fiction where the characters are biologically destined to be together. Not too dissimilar to the mating bond which occurs in the ACOTAR series. So what chance does my boyfriend have at replicating that connection? Honestly, I think he'd freak out if I asked him to lick my neck and "scent me" to keep other men away before I leave the house.
When I was single, I had to give up reading romance because I found it too hard to go out into the real world and date real men. I was waiting for an American ice hockey player who was into curvy girls, whom I met on my first shift as an air hostess. I'll tell you why that didn't happen . . . because I'm a writer. Who lives in South London. Who has no interest in ice hockey. (You've got "Mile High" by Liz Tomforde to blame for that one).
I saw a TikTok video which sums it up perfectly. A woman was reading "A Court of Mist and Fury" and the text on screen read: "When you're falling head over heels for a fictional man and realise you're comparing him to your very real husband."
As I'm debating the pros and cons of smut via an endless back and forth of voice notes with a friend, she revealed that she'd recently taken a step back from reading smut to make sure she was forming a strong connection with her new partner without the influence of any particularly spicy storylines. It's easy to reach for a book to satisfy a craving but what's more important is making sure your relationship is strong enough to act on your desires.
"I don't want to sit there reading a book and think, 'I wish I had that'. That's probably why I read thrillers".
I started to question how I would feel if my partner was sitting next to me watching an explicit video or reading erotic fiction himself? I think we're both on the same page when it comes to fiction vs reality and what happens between us might not be exactly the same as what we might watch or read but we have a safe space where we can communicate anything we might want or need.
Has Reading Smut Books Ruined My Sex Life?
While I think I need to manage my expectations when it comes to comparing smut and real life, ultimately I think reading smut is a great way of keeping the spark alive. It opens my eyes to new desires and inspires me to try new things, whether that's alone or with my partner.
It encourages positive conversations between myself and my friends, removing some of the negative stigmas around sex. The more we openly talk about it, the more we learn and the better it gets. We're not hiding our Jilly Cooper novels anymore (I'm looking at you mum), we're embracing it.
I'm not saying I'm going to role play the entire Court of Nightmares scene from "A Court of Mist and Fury" with my boyfriend but I might suggest adding a pair of bat wings into the mix just for fun. Otherwise, if you see me on the tube tilting my screen and blushing, mind your own business. And Rhysand, if you're reading this, you know where to find me.
Chloe Dunn is a social content producer at POPSUGAR UK. With more than six years of experience in social media marketing, she is always on the lookout for the latest viral buzz. Working across Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, and Pinterest, Chloe specialises in bringing people together virtually and building global online communities. She has previously worked in the music industry, including at a major record label and for the UK's biggest group of music venues.
